I’m much better today. It was good just to leave the office yesterday – my mood improved as I got home. Add to that spaghetti, a phone call from Prince Charming, SNB with good conversation with Amanda and Liz, and I was doing alright by the end of the day. Plus, Amanda drove me home and we engaged in one of our favorite illicit activities. Now, I know how much you disapprove, Liz and Prince Charming, but in our defense, we’ve jointly owned this one pack of cigarettes for 2 1/2 years now, and it’s still only half empty. Plus, I’ve never figured out how to inhale. But smoking on the back porch, just that simple act, is one of the few ways I’ve ever managed to let my guard down enough to talk about things that I can’t often put into words. We seem to talk about things that only roam about in my head but I never manage to tell another living soul. Maybe can describe in the comments why it’s different than other conversations.
So we talked about death and boys and religion and faith and change and all sorts of stuff. At some point we realized we were freezing our a**es off, seeing as how we were sitting on the porch and it was probably 15* at the most outside, and we went inside and continued talking for a while. Romeo took the opportunity to love-up Amanda. I’m chopped liver, don’tcha know.
All in all, getting things out of my head and into words, starting to process, I just feel good today. Or at least as good as one might expect. The mood here isn’t nearly as bad as it was yesterday, though I’m sure when the final report comes in that my co-worker is gone, it’ll be bad. But I can cope with today.
So very surreal, to leave my house this morning all bundled up because it was 11* outside, open the front door and see the sun shining and songbirds chirping. Hard to put two and two together and have it make sense there. Not complaining – it’s why Minnesota winters are so much more bearable than elsewhere in the Midwest (or at least, that’s my opinion). [For those of you who are shocked that my past behavior as actually been my idea of tolerating and/or enjoying winter, yeah, sorry, but that’s about as good as it gets. If anyone can figure out a way that I can live somewhere that it’s sunny year-round, preferably with an ocean and mountains, and still be half a day’s drive from my family and even closer to Alison, let me know. Maybe global warming could help. Just kidding.]
I’ve got peanut butter cookies sitting here at my desk, staring at me. They want to be breakfast.