Today

I’m much better today. It was good just to leave the office yesterday – my mood improved as I got home. Add to that spaghetti, a phone call from Prince Charming, SNB with good conversation with Amanda and Liz, and I was doing alright by the end of the day. Plus, Amanda drove me home and we engaged in one of our favorite illicit activities. Now, I know how much you disapprove, Liz and Prince Charming, but in our defense, we’ve jointly owned this one pack of cigarettes for 2 1/2 years now, and it’s still only half empty. Plus, I’ve never figured out how to inhale. But smoking on the back porch, just that simple act, is one of the few ways I’ve ever managed to let my guard down enough to talk about things that I can’t often put into words. We seem to talk about things that only roam about in my head but I never manage to tell another living soul. Maybe can describe in the comments why it’s different than other conversations.

So we talked about death and boys and religion and faith and change and all sorts of stuff. At some point we realized we were freezing our a**es off, seeing as how we were sitting on the porch and it was probably 15* at the most outside, and we went inside and continued talking for a while. Romeo took the opportunity to love-up Amanda. I’m chopped liver, don’tcha know.

All in all, getting things out of my head and into words, starting to process, I just feel good today. Or at least as good as one might expect. The mood here isn’t nearly as bad as it was yesterday, though I’m sure when the final report comes in that my co-worker is gone, it’ll be bad. But I can cope with today.

So very surreal, to leave my house this morning all bundled up because it was 11* outside, open the front door and see the sun shining and songbirds chirping. Hard to put two and two together and have it make sense there. Not complaining – it’s why Minnesota winters are so much more bearable than elsewhere in the Midwest (or at least, that’s my opinion). [For those of you who are shocked that my past behavior as actually been my idea of tolerating and/or enjoying winter, yeah, sorry, but that’s about as good as it gets. If anyone can figure out a way that I can live somewhere that it’s sunny year-round, preferably with an ocean and mountains, and still be half a day’s drive from my family and even closer to Alison, let me know. Maybe global warming could help. Just kidding.]

I’ve got peanut butter cookies sitting here at my desk, staring at me. They want to be breakfast.

Friday Fun – Free Time

  1. Do you have a favorite hobby you do during your free time? My new favorite hobby is knitting. I’m not sure how long that’ll last, but it’s a nice hobby because there continues to be more for me to learn and more challenging projects, and that can go on for a while.
  2. Do you get much free time or is it usually just grabbed where you can get it? Well, with the addition of SNB to my weekly schedule, I’m feeling like I get less free time than I did this fall. But I still have a lot more than when I was working at the Church, or than I will when I go back to school. So no complaints.
  3. Is there any kind of hobby you would like to learn? Well, what was on my list was knitting, so…. If I have to add a new one, I think I’ll say painting, because I have absolutely no talent for the fine arts and have always been jealous of Alison because she does.

Friday Fun

  1. What is the one thing that is guaranteed to brighten your mood, no matter what? Prince Charming
  2. You have no place to be, no distractions, no responsibilities, & all the money in the world. What is your favorite thing to do by yourself? With a friend? With family? By myself: laying in a hammock reading a book, with the sun overhead blocked enough for me to be able to see, but still bright enough that you know it’s summer even when your eyes are closed. With a friend: sit and talk over coffee, or watch a movie. With family: uh… I really need to color my hair, so I’m going to go with that, with Alison.
  3. What is the most fun thing you have done today? This week? Today? Well, cleaning up cat pee from inside my favorite brown shoes definitely doesn’t make the “fun” list. I haven’t been awake long enough for anything fun to happen. And I’ve really only gotten ready for the day and come to work, so…. I think the most fun this week was Tuesday night’s SNB with Amanda and Liz. It’s good to get caught up and have a few laughs.

Hmmmm

CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22): Explaining your motives to others isn’t just a one day event; this inclination will likely last for the next few weeks. You always want others to understand you, but it’s difficult to know where to jump in. So, day by day, you put it off, until the gulf of what’s not expressed is just too large to cross. Now, however, you can set your sights high and bit by bit you can tell it all.

[Note: I don’t really believe in horoscope stuff, but sometimes it’s interesting/amusing anyways, and you can always get some good introspection out of the stuff regardless.]

Yes, I always want others to understand me (it’s why I find myself frequently asking, does that make sense? am I making myself clear? over email). And I’ve got some conversations to have that I could totally see getting put off (mainly because I’ve been putting them off already, since the holidays are all about being happy and carefree and light-hearted and I just didn’t feel like being serious, so sue me). But I really shouldn’t. I don’t see it as getting “too large to cross,” perhaps just because certain friends will berate me until I suck it up. Now doesn’t that sound cryptic? I don’t mean to be, just that a girl’s gotta have some secrets. I don’t expect said conversations to end poorly or be painful or horrible, just that they’re of a fairly serious nature and that’s always just a little… daunting, especially when the serious stuff is my own personal flaws (in some instances) or … how do I categorize that other one… let’s just go with “future crap.”