Only Monster left…

Monster (my work fish, a male beta) is the only fish left. Bandit passed away on Friday night. I’m going to let the tank sit empty for a while to hopefully get rid of some toxins or just… let it be.

Had a pretty good weekend, even though I spent way more money than I should have. Rent was awesome, as was Tanpopo. On the way to Rent (we parked in the Fields’ lot) we stopped in so I could show Amanda the ballerina prom dress. A coworker of mine doesn’t like it, but he’s 50, so I don’t think he counts. We had a good time at Rent, despite having to sit through the first half next to these annoying middle-aged ladies, and then just being in general freezing cold the whole time.

Saturday morning I went to a meeting and secured a community garden plot for Amanda & myself. Then I did some cleaning (not much though) and took a trip to buy groceries and some stuff for gardening. Spent much of the afternoon on the balcony planting, with the cats wandering around the roof. It was gorgeous out. I think I could have gotten a nice tan if so inclined. Then I got my hair cut and stopped by the fabric store since I was out that way. Got some nice “scrim” to change the draping over my bed – white now instead of blue. Much better. My room is still a mess, though, so I don’t think you can really tell. I need to do laundry. And take a bunch of stuff to Goodwill. And vacuum. Kitties shed a lot.

Watched “Miss Congeniality” and ate pizza for dinner. No, wait, pizza was Sunday lunch. Saturday night I made potatoes and chicken with mushrooms and garlic. And coleslaw. Eh, not too great, but not horrible. Next time, I’ll use the right kind of vinegar.

Sunday was spent waking up late (skipping first service and most of Sunday School) and then after Church going over to a church lady’s house to rake her yard with the youth group. We had a good time and were done by 1:15. Stopped by Target, indulged myself with Krispy Kremes which I’d been craving for weeks, and bought light bulbs. I know, terribly exciting. Youth group last night went OK, much better than the junior high lesson on the same. Only six kids though, and all from the same vehicle (most from the same family, plus 2 friends). It’s been a disappointing way to end the year, with declining attendance, especially since at the beginning of the year we were prepared for low attendance with the schedule change.

I did get to watch Crossing Jordan when I got home, despite the storm that blew through here. Drove very slow on the way home. But I kept myself company with thoughts of a charming guy and things he said. [remaining calm]

Trying not to go overboard

I said it yesterday and I’ll say it again. I go a little crazy on crushes. Really. Trying to control myself at the moment. If he could be, perhaps, a little less perfect and charming, that would help a lot. Thanks.

Have I mentioned lately (of course not, because I’m not so good at giving praises) that I have THE COOLEST ROOMMATE EVER. Not only did she buy me a beer last night to celebrate her bonus at work, but she is taking me to Rent tonight! Amazing! Today is the most perfect day ever. Tanpopo for dinner, then Rent, plus a very nice email from a perfectly charming gentleman. Really. I can’t stop smiling. One of my coworkers left early so he didn’t have to deal with my unusually-happy self.

Listening to: my heart beating. tha-thump. tha-thump

Lots of things

Bridesmaid dress FINALLY ordered. Bride actually had bad dream about me not being able to be in the wedding because my dress hadn’t come in yet. We don’t want that – I mean, we don’t want the bride having nightmares. That’s no good.

These beautiful shoes that I am wearing were a mistake. Amanda will tell you that the shoes are hideous, but I disagree. They are charming. And they perfectly match my burgundy pants. They’re Hush Puppies, so one would think they’d be comfortable. But they’re not. I got them second-hand at a local store, and they had barely been worn. I know why. I’ve always known they were painful. Somehow I forgot this fact this morning, when I put them on before WALKING TO WORK. 3 miles in painful shoes. Blisters on feet (multiple, that’s right) before I even got to work. So, sadly, away they will go. They’re so painful I almost feel bad giving them to Goodwill – some poor person will find them and think they’re a great deal and go home and their feet will bleed from these shoes. Alas. On the plus side, it means I get to buy shoes soon.

Our landlord told us we can paint! Oh, the joy! We walked to Ace Hardware last night and picked out paint samples, and then finalized our decisions at home. My walls will be.. some sort of “Grass” color (not Prairie, but another….). Amanda’s will be… Coconut or Caramel or some food that started with a C. And then the living/dining/everything room will be a beautiful yellow on 3 walls and blue on the fourth. I don’t remember their names. Very happy. My wallet situation took a down-turn this week, and is being so gracious as to allow me to pay her back when I get $$ next week.

This means our apartment/attic/living hole will look… NICE (read: not ghetto) when Mom comes up next weekend. I’m going to take that Friday off so I can install shelves in my room and the living room as well.

We saw a totally hot guy yesterday at the gym. Now, I’m going to repeat this, in case witnesses yesterday didn’t learn. When you are at the gym and fumbling with some piece of equipment, and said cute guy comes over and offers to show you how to use it, by all means, let him! Even if it just means watching in wonder as his muscles ripple and move. Even if the only words you can find are, “uh, sure” or nodding your head. Try to smile. Try not to drool. If you can be so bold, make eye contact. Establishing any sort of positive contact/interaction with any cute guy CAN NOT be bad. Even if you make a fool of yourself, which I’ve been known to do many a time (story coming up), hey, at least you got to be in the presence of gorgeous.

I am naturally a very shy person. And, quite frankly, if anyone I’m with is braver/bolder than I, I’m quite happy to remain quiet and aloof (which other people see as b*tchy). Conveniently, yesterday Amanda was not being her usual bold brazen confident self, and I got to be the one to talk to cute boy. Now he’s mine. I am formally claiming him. Unless, of course, he has a wife, or worships Satan, or turns out to be otherwise undesirable.

Lest anyone get the wrong opinion of me, last night events at the gym were rather out-of-character for me. When Liz & I would do open mic at the Coffee Grounds, there used to be this really good-looking guy who played a 12-string, and he was married, and he’d talk about his wife, and sometimes she was there, and sometimes she wasn’t. Once after we performed, he came over to us and gave us compliments, tried to encourage us, embolden us. I actually was unable to speak. He was that good looking.

And isn’t it a beautiful thing to be in the presence of someone that beautiful? God does great work! 🙂

Listening to: Zen Voyages, “Amazon Rain Forest”

Sick, Sick

Very Sick. Slept all day yesterday. Literally. I was awake for, maybe, 8 hours total. And I’m still tired this morning. I will survive though. I did go to work today (hence the blogging, since we have no internet at home). Being sick makes me grumpy, and weak, and unable to control my tongue. Bad for work. Bad for junior high youth group tonight. Perhaps they will have mercy on me (and consequently themselves) and be kind tonight. Maybe it will be a “hug bug” night.

I did watch “The Ten Commandments,” all 3 hours and 40 minutes of it, yesterday, and parts of “Prince of Egypt” and “The Wizard of Oz.” Can you tell what tonight’s youth group lesson is about?

Alas, we learned over the weekend that the boy I could have had a crush on is, still, in fact dating his girlfriend, and while he has not yet proposed, apparently still plans to do so. No more crush. The death of a crush is always such a sad thing. Especially since crushes are, in their most pure and innocent form, simply happy thoughts about another, and while a rather frivolous way to spend one’s time, much better than, say, planning genocide or vacuuming.

Yes, that’s right, I’m not fully coherent today. Terribly sorry.

Progress

So, some background before I go into this… Amanda & I got this book in the winter called Buy Book, Get Guy. And while it wasn’t a revolutionary book at all, nor did either of us get a guy afterwards (we weren’t expecting miracles), it was a decent read for the used book price I got it for. There was this one vital piece of information that we have since discussed at length over the past… 9 months. It’s this simple idea of making eye contact and smiling. At a guy. At the same time. I seem… incapable of doing it. I can make eye contact. Or I can smile. But not both at the same time. So, I can either be Strange Girl Who Stares, or Weird Girl Smiling To Herself. But I cannot be Cute Girl Interested In Hot Boy. This, I seen to be incapable of.

But, today, I did it! Maybe its the new drugs I’m on, ’cause I am feeling pretty good today. I’m walking to the bus stop (btw, caught the 8:46, could have caught the 8:35 but I thought it was the 8:31 so I didn’t rush, very proud of myself for getting up at 7:30 today; also have gone running 3 times this week! Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday! My therapist will be so proud of me!) and I walk past this park/playground, and there was this cute boy on one of those big industrial lawn mowers, and he was coming down the sidewalk towards me, so I hopped into the street, not desiring to become lawnmower food. He smiled at me as I passed, and I kinda looked, then looked away and smiled. But later, while I was waiting at the bus stop, he came driving down the street on his lawnmower, and as he passed me, he smiled and I looked at him and smiled. And as he continued down the road away from me, he kept looking back (arguably to remove the tree branch attached to the back of his lawnmower), I kept glancing at him and smiling. It was a lot of fun for me. So, yay me! Progress in my life!

[untitled]

Trying to not be freaked out, but, let’s be honest, I am. I had another appointment with my therapist, and we talked about getting put on meds, and he really seems to want me on them sooner rather than later. So I did the responsible thing today and called my gp to schedule an appointment. I just assumed, I guess, that I wouldn’t be able to get an appointment in the 24 hours until I leave for the big Chicago trip. But there were, like, 3 appointments all in the afternoon when I’m not at work. So I have an appointment at 2:20. A little freaked out now. I shouldn’t be, right? I mean, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. There have been times when I’ve felt like this was the only option, that I’d exhausted all the rest of my resources. So what’s the big deal? But yeah, it’s a big deal.

Mucho thanks to my friends who have been great help giving suggestions on how to further get to know Mr Wonderful from the other weekend. The consensus was that I could email him as a sort of thanks and let him take it from there. Avoid stalking (note – do NOT show up on Sunday morning at his church, even though he told you which one it was) at all costs! I walk a fine line.