Since I got home at a normal hour last night (instead of 7 pm on Monday, after which I needed to procure dinner), I had myself a normal evening, with the small exclusion of the fact that is away. I ate what I wanted for dinner (a roasted sweet potato and a glass of wine – it was tasty, and we haven’t gone grocery shopping in a while), watched what I wanted on TV (all caught up on CSI, CSI: Miami, and Law & Order: SVU), and sat in the middle of the couch. I multi-tasked by reading more research on Montessori methods (for my upcoming paper) while watching TV. I went to bed at ten, but stayed up past 11 reading. Both cats shared the bed with me, though I had to bribe them with kitty treats to get them into the room (apparently we’ve conditioned them well enough that they just take themselves elsewhere when it’s bedtime).

However, I did have to decide for myself what to eat, would have had to kill any bugs that dared show themselves (none did), take the trash out to the curb, and settled for a phone conversation with . The cats and I miss him, and it’s a good thing he’s coming home today.

Marriage was a very conscious choice. I chose to marry because the future with him looked so much better than the future without him. I don’t need him – I am a complete individual and can take care of myself. I want him, which is, I think, better than need. (Apparently, two days apart and I’ve gotten sappy – can we blame the Celexa for that? I thought not.)

He gets home tonight around when I get home from work. We’ll need to acquire some dinner, and go grocery shopping, and I’m still working on my paper (class was cancelled tonight). Nothing special, nothing exemplary. Just everyday life.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[Sidenote: Celexa and I have gotten over our differences, for the most part. No naps Monday or Tuesday. I feel normal. It hasn’t helped me the way I wanted yet, but there are five more weeks before I can make any sort of judgement on effectiveness. Also, I will be away from my computer tomorrow at a training, so don’t expect to hear from me. But I’ll be back on Friday.

You’ll be happy to know, today I am prepared to blog about things other than side effects. Yay! I have been feeling relatively since Saturday. I’m still dealing with muscle tension, uncontrollable yawning (strange, strange side effect), and the need to take a daily nap (every day since last Saturday except Wednesday, when I had to go to class), but my head is clear. I feel like myself.

I had Friday off of work due to the state holiday, and did absolutely nothing all day. It was fabulous. got final confirmation of a trip he has to take for work (he’s gone today through Wednesday – boo!), so I decided not to do any homework over the weekend. I can do it while he’s gone. We don’t really spend time apart like this – only three times since we’ve been married have we not gone to bed together – so it’s not something I’m used to.

We finished three projects over the weekend. I know! Like seriously finished. We put the panels in the door of the buffet I haven’t shared yet (you might have to wait another week – the only sunlight I’m home to experience is on the weekends). I put drawer liner in the drawers of our dining table (which I also haven’t shared). And, we fixed the filtered water spigot in the kitchen that hasn’t worked in a year and a half. We also further ghetto-fied our house by scraping off the peeling paint, priming, and painting over the bare patches (it’s a lovely look, with the old paint faded and darker, and then the spots of lighter paint…). And raked/mowed up another 5 bags of leaves. Thankfully, all the leaves have dropped off our trees now. I even remembered to take pictures of our trees in their current state, including the one we’re having taken down, so that I have before/after pictures of the tree trimming.

bought a spray gun attachment for the air compressor, and on Sunday we tried out using it to put poly on the trim for the basement. It worked well, and will save us 20+ hours of labor (6 hours per coat by hand x 4 coats versus 1 hour per coat), so that’s $50 well spent.

I worked on some Christmas sewing projects and will hopefully have pictures to share of completed items by the end of the week or early next week. I did not work on ‘s quilt, switch out my summer/winter wardrobes, vacuum, or do any seasonal decorating, but I did get some laundry done, and spent lots of time with . I also got several quality naps in. Our basement couch is fabulous for napping on.

I’m hoping to get through today without a nap, since I have to leave work early to go tutor, and won’t get home until 7, and will then need to feed myself and the kitties. If I take a nap after that, I might as well just call it a night, and that would be a sad day. I have a research paper that needs to be written, kitties that will need attention, and a veritable cornucopia of sewing projects.

Or, in this case, makes one realize the importance of something one took for granted.

That would be my ability to pay attention to anything.

Last night, after sitting at my computer for an hour and only writing one sentence (I also copy-pasted a sentence, so maybe that counts as two sentences), I gave up my efforts and searched the web. I wasn’t looking for trouble, just validation that I wasn’t going crazy. Indeed, many people had terrible side effects the first two weeks, including being unable to concentrate, muscle tension (this is terrible – must get a massage soon), and sleeping problems (woke up at 3:30 this morning, which was nice because it gave me enough time to fall back asleep before having to get up for the day). Today is day 5, so I’m almost halfway there, right? Clingin’ to a prayer.

Unfortunately, I still have that paper to write, and it’s due by 6 pm tonight. The internet suggested B vitamins to help with concentration and energy, and since has been a bit sick lately, I thought that justified taking some Emergen-C (which is chock-full of B vitamins). They haven’t worked.

On the bright side, most of my work projects (currently) are short things, so my job performance hasn’t been affected. That’s something.

Caffeine would be nice right about now.

I think this lack of concentration is causing me to over-share, both here and in real life. Really, if I actually shared the stream of consciousness going through my head right now, y’all would be frightened, and probably very confused.

, I might need some coping mechanisms to get me through this. I have a 5-7 page research paper that needs to get written before Thanksgiving. I think I can get the research done, but how can I force myself to concentrate enough to actually write the thing? Any ideas? Caffeine is NOT an option. New Age Instrumental music hasn’t helped. I suppose I should try my white noise app. I’ll give that a shot when I’m not on phone duty this afternoon.

I’ve got J Lo’s “Superlady” (Papi) running through my head (from those car commercials). Earlier it was the Dixie Chicks’ “Not Ready to Make Nice.” No matter that I only know a quarter of the lyrics to either.

Haircut tomorrow night. Have I already mentioned that? New stylist (I broke up with my old one – hadn’t been to see her in a year and a half anyway, so I just un-friended her on Facebook and that was that), and it’s a man. No good can come of this. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a man cut my hair who did what I asked; they always do what they want. Why is that? So I will have to press my case and be firm: I have been growing out my hair for 10 years now, and would like to continue making progress towards my butt. I think I’ll have to take before and after pictures of the back length. Anyway, he’s only my temporary guy – I need a haircut badly, but am trying to see if the salon I really want to go to has a Groupon deal or something fabulous like that.

Now I really am babbling for no reason other than procrastination. I’ll stop now.

This, too, shall pass (oh, talk about a first world problem).

That’s what I’m doing. Need to get that reflection paper written – I think my powers of concentration are mostly restored. It’s not ideal, but it’ll have to do. I woke up at 4:30 this morning – not happy about that. I blame most of that on the time change, and only some of it on the Celexa. I mean, I wanted to wake up earlier, so I could get to work on time (as a general rule, it sounds like a good goal), but 4:30 is overkill. Haven’t really adjusted to the time change yet.

Alright, I take back my earlier comments about my concentration ability. Still shot.

Oh, if only I had been blogging when I first went on Prozac. Y’all would have been entertained.

Tonight, for the first time ever, I will be voting in a non-presidential election. We have 15 candidates vying for 3 spots on the school board, and a levy to vote on as well. You can probably guess how a future public school teacher feels about that.

After we vote, I’m making Stir-Fried Beef, Broccoli and Yams. I love sweet potatoes.

I may need a nap after that. It’s what I did yesterday after tutoring (and eating dinner). I was beat. Lots of good stuff at tutoring yesterday, though none of the kids whose names I know were there.

OK, that’s all I’ve got. It’s taken me half an hour – I keep getting distracted by inconsequential things, like my hair. Ooh, shiny! Anyway, happy Tuesday!

OK, look, here’s the deal. I have a 6-8 page paper due tonight at 10 pm. It is not yet written (though my outline is, finally, complete). [Editor's note: Can I explain this paper a bit? Just so you can understand what I've been dealing with? Basically, summarize 400 pages of reading into 4 pages, making sure to include at least 14 points of comparison. Then you get the remaining 2 pages to include contemporary research and implications for the future. Oh, and the rubric, which ideally should include objective measures, is almost completely subjective, with the exception of the aforementioned "14 points of comparison." You really cannot use the word "excellent" to describe what excellent means; you especially cannot do it in every single box of the "excellent" column.]

After that’s done, I have 200 pages of reading, after which I have to write a 2-3 page reflection paper (which is then due Wednesday).

After that, I can begin research on my paper on Montessori methods in urban classrooms, 5-7 pages, due before Thanksgiving (guess how I’ll be spending Veteran’s Day, a work holiday).

Oh, and I’ve been trying to figure out when to do my practicum (I finally have a placement!) while still working. And I’ll need to take a break at some point this weekend to deal with yard work (bonus: we get an extra hour this weekend because of Daylight Savings – so that totally fixes that problem of when I’m going to get everything done). You know, before it snows.

So this is all the blog posting you get this week. No Friday Fill-Ins. No updates on life (well, here’s a short one: when I haven’t been in class or at work, I’ve been working on this paper, except for 45 minutes yesterday that I frivolously spent at Ulta, and some time before bed watching a bit of TV). No pictures. No crafting. No communicating with anyone outside of work and . You’re lucky I took this much time to let you know I hadn’t actually fallen off the face of the planet. And now I’ve got to get back to things.

I woke up with a headache. That’s never good. I took Advil when I got up. Took some more with lunch. My headache is mostly gone – it’s kind of hanging around in the background, pretending to be a wallflower, much like half the students at a junior high dance.

I spent 3 hours last night doing research for a paper that’s due Friday. (We didn’t buy candy. We turned out the lights, closed the blinds, and hid in the basement. Didn’t even carve pumpkins this year. Maybe next year… though I am not a fan of Halloween.) I really need to draw up an outline next. We’ll see.

I had some mindless tasks to do today, so while I was taking a break from the monotony (sometimes you just can’t stare at the screen any longer), I fooled around and came up with these fabric groupings. I’m still working on figuring out a color scheme for the living room / dining room. I’ve technically narrowed it down to yellow, with pink and green accents, but having a fabric in hand would really help pick out a paint swatch. Oh, should I add that this color scheme has not been approved by all household members (but, to reiterate the logic, the exterior of the house will be blue, the kitchen will someday be green (currently blue), and the master bedroom (visible from the dining room) is rust orange, so there aren’t that many colors left; I figured I should tie in the green kitchen since it’s at least partially visible from both rooms, and didn’t think that I’d get the OK to paint the walls pink). Oh, also… we’re looking at mostly pillows for the couch (and a starting point for picking out paint color), and maybe curtains for one small window, since the piano bench and dining chairs are already recovered (apparently never took a picture of the piano bench, but I used this fabric). Though, to be honest, I’m not married to the recovered items, and they can be re-done at any point in time. It’s a beautiful thing, what one can do with Scotch-guard spray and a staple gun.

Option 1 - Fun and colorful. I had a hard time getting all 3 colors together in this one, because the pink and green prints didn't have any yellow in them at all. But I think I made it work. I already own that bottom-center green print (it was a mistake made by the company that they corrected, but told me to keep it, all 3 yards).

Option 2 - Grown-up and muted. Much more low-key, though those polka-dots certainly cheer things up a bit. I own the bottom-center green one here too. And yes, the two on the left are identical, just different colorways. Not as much yellow here, but I don't need too much if the walls are yellow. (I'm thinking just the backs of all the pillows, or something.)

Option 3 - Bold and Modern. I cannot tell you how much I am in love with that top-left floral. Unfortunately, they only made that colorway in home dec weight, so I probably shouldn't try to make a quilt out of it, or something equally silly. I linked to it below, because this little clip totally doesn't do it justice. I own the elephants and the yellow stripe. I feel like the prints are tied together best here (with the possible exception of the yellow), with a good balance of small and large scale, single-color prints and multi-colored ones. Feel free to disagree though.

Joel Dewberry Heirloom Rose Bouquet in Sepia (fabric.com)

Haven’t had much audience participation lately! Let me know what your favorite combo is in the comments! Feel free to include other opinions as well, like the silliness of that elephant print, or the inappropriateness of pink zebra stripes.

Also, feel free to commiserate with me on the hours I spent (and still need to spend) doing homework, and on the headache that seems to have gotten over its shyness and maybe had some of the punch to drink.

The word for the day is: melodrama. Melodrama.

I have been all over the place this last week. My poor co-workers – they bear the brunt of my mood swings, as much of my email reading happens at work. One in particular was very helpful last week – it really is quite beneficial to work with career counselors, sometimes. Just sayin’.

Last week I had basically concluded that my student teaching was going to have to be postponed a semester. I even had a whole blog post written up about it, explaining why and so forth. It was long. But I waited to send it until after I heard back from my advisor, just in case I wasn’t seeing the whole picture. I was feeling a bit despondent about this.

As it turns out, I didn’t have the whole picture, or at least wasn’t aware of all my options. This is the point at which last Thursday’s post got written, because he gave me more choices. And Lord knows what I needed was more choices. (Do you ever find yourself in that situation, where someone is trying to be helpful and gives you advice or suggestions and all it does is muddy the waters? That’s where I was on Thursday. Knee-deep in mud.) And I didn’t feel a sense of peace about any of the options (which, in my experience, is the sign of a good decision). I was nearing panic-attack mode – see what I mean about melodrama?

The only decision that felt right was… to not make a decision, but to go to class on Friday night. Which I did. (Again, let me point out the cruelty of a 7:30-9 Friday night class. Even if it only meets 3 times, it’s cruel. Turns out the student teaching seminar will also be Friday nights. Well, that or Saturday mornings. What a choice.) In class I discovered that I am not the only student who doesn’t have a placement yet (for this semester, which was the source of my difficulties). So I decided to keep on keeping on (and that earlier post about postponing student teaching? it’s been deleted).

Over the weekend, my advisor miraculously found me a placement. almost had to scrape me off of the ceiling. Even today, as I contacted the teacher, I was nearly giddy. I went to update my boss on the situation, and again found myself nearly buzzing.

Should I mention that over the weekend while doing homework, I got all teary about the Civil Rights Movement? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But, just to be clear, I’m not pregnant. Because that’s where everyone’s mind went, wasn’t it? I’m not. Promise.

And now I’m obsessively checking my email to see if the teacher has written back. I should really channel this energy into writing my student teaching essay, or working on one of the 3 essays due in the next 2 weeks.

On a totally unrelated note, I’m wearing my new burgundy shoes today. They do, in fact, match my burgundy pants, but they are not nearly as comfortable as the navy ones (being 1/4 size too small might account for that, and the heel that is narrower than I’m used to). However, I matched the rest of my outfit to my nails (which are grey and navy blue – I was going for a nighttime/twilight/sunset kind of look, as the background for the Halloween-inspired stamps). I’m not sure the overall look works. Oh well; it’s Halloween. It’s also the anniversary of when I started working here. 9 years!

I’ll try to find some emotional equilibrium this week, for the sake of all of us.

Can someone do me a favor? A decision needs to be made (regarding school stuff)… and I really just want someone else to make a decision and tell me what to do. Unfortunately, as a grown-up, I have options and “it’s up to me” to decide what is best for me / what I want.

I don’t know what to do. will let me do whatever I think is best. My advisor will go along with whatever I decide. My work would prefer I choose option A, whereas my friends and family would probably prefer option B.

Did I mention there’s an option C? That one confuses me most.

My undegrad was so much easier, if only because it was cut and dry and I understood all of the requirements. Not that the requirements for my program aren’t clearly delineated, because they are – the problem is that, well, we like to live in the grey zone. Deadlines aren’t really deadlines. Teachers can be… very accommodating if need be.

You know, I just realized that a bunch of my co-workers were, essentially, career counselors before they came to the admin office. I think I’m going to go consult with one of them.

Stay tuned. Or not. Whatever.

[Editor's note: Save me from myself! I prefer to make decisions based on my gut, what "feels right." The best decisions I've ever made were that way. The ones I made logically... didn't go so well. But I have no gut feeling on this. I could wallow in indecision for... a really long time.]

and I went shopping on Sunday, and I bought shoes! Lots of shoes! OK, two pairs, but it seemed like a lot. I went in thinking I would buy one, but then it was like Sophie’s Choice trying to pick which pair got to come home with me. So they both did. I did have a 20% off my entire purchase coupon, and then one of the pairs ended up being on sale, and I donated $5 to some charity so I got $10 off one of the pairs… all in all it wasn’t a bad deal.

And, of course, they’re Clarks. Would I buy anything else?

Clarks - Diamond Sadler in Navy. These are the ones I'm wearing today. It's a 2 3/4" heel, which is a bit higher than my other ones, so my feet hurt a bit, but it's not too bad all things considered. They're also a wee bit small, but that way they don't fall off my feet. As Amanda pointed out, they won't shrink, but they might grow.

Can I add that I’ve been looking for a decent [i.e. fashionable] pair of navy dress shoes for years? I finally found them! These will go nicely with my navy pants, and some navy skirts I have, and today I’m wearing them with brown pants (and a blue and brown striped shirt, so it works). Very versatile. They also looked awesome with jeans, as will attest to. As a testimony to their awesomeness, totally approved of these shoes, and she despises all things navy.

Clarks - Carlotta in Burgundy. With a 2" heel, these should be a bit more comfortable than the other ones. We'll see... the next time I wear dress shoes. Jury duty has my schedule all up in the air. Anyway, I got these to go with a pair of burgundy pants that I've had forever and just love. They seem to fit whether I gain 10 pounds or lose 10 pounds. Can't argue with that, right? I think these should look good with brown or black pants, too.

So now I have to decide which shoes need to go to Goodwill, which ones can go into storage for the season, and there might even be a pair to sell on ebay (black dress shoes, worn twice? might be worth $5).

As further evidence that my feet are, in fact, shrinking, both pairs I bought were 9s. Seriously. I tried the 9 1/2s on, and they were just too big. I thought maybe that it was because my feet used to be narrow (so they’re getting shorter but wider?), but no, my feet are still narrow. I really don’t know what to tell you. The rest of me isn’t shrinking, but my feet certainly are. I used to buy 10s and 10 1/2s. Yes, I know that’s not what feet do, and I can’t explain it.

And for the curious, I tweeted my recent manicure: Original plan. Modified. The girl at Caribou today really liked them. I’m not a huge fan, simply because they’re not smooth, and that’s driving me a bit bonkers. I think I want to try something like this next (Pinterest has been fabulous for nail art inspiration!).