(Never thought you’d see a post title like that here, did ya?)
My teacher thought it would be fun if we met off-campus for tonight’s class instead of in our horrible building which is aesthetically offensive and I am allergic to (seriously, it gives me headaches – our teacher suggested it was the carpeting, and quite frankly I don’t care what it is, only that there are a mere 3 classes left in that building). He sent the email out today with the details, and we’re meeting at a sports bar near the Midway campus, which is pretty much what he promised.
I’d begun mentally psyching myself up for this, for as many of you know I hate going into public places alone, especially strange places where I’m not sure what’s going on (unlike Saturday’s brunch with 
and 
, where I was 99% sure both of them would show up and I knew the restaurant and everything would be A-OK) or who is there or…. If I’m having a particularly bad day, even knowing the locale and everyone present cannot get me to walk in the door (flashback to a 2000 Christmas party in Michigan that I never attended, though I did drive past it).
It’s all fine, though, see, since I have to go and I’m getting mentally prepared (OK, emotionally prepared, whatever).
Then I re-read the email from our teacher. Hmm. Seems he’s either changed the starting time of class to 6:30 (instead of 6), or he’s made a typo.
Now, of course, some panic sets in. I’m going to arrive early, because that’s what my schedule allows between the work commute and trip back into the city. But how early? If I’m there at 5:45, will I be 15 minutes early or 45? Will anyone else be there? Will I be the loser at the sports bar doing homework? I don’t drink beer! I’ll be starving (because why would I stop off for a fast food dinner when I can have real food), but should I wait until other classmates show up, or just order? Should I get a table at all?
You see, of course, the million thoughts that race through my mind. I was hoping that putting them into words “on paper” so to speak would help them seem… irrational, as they very well are. I know this. But I’d really like to have a hand to hold to walk into Gabe’s with, or at least a friend to go with (you know, if I had made friends with my classmates beyond the better-than-usual classroom rapport that we have going on, which is good, but we aren’t calling each other outside of class to chat about things – everyone works full time and is taking multiple classes and barely has time to get what needs to be done… done, let alone make new friends).
Sigh.
Do you think one day I’ll get over this Social Anxiety stuff, or will I stress myself out about minor things for the rest of my life? If it’s the latter, I’m quite sure it’s knocking years off my life.
One thing that helps me with social anxiety (it would help with the Christmas party, but not the class at bar situation), is to bring a hostess gift. For example, at a Christmas party I once attended (and felt incredibly nervous about) I brought the host a poinsettia as a gift. I also think up two or three stories to tell or subjects to bring up with strangers to start a conversation.
As for doing homework at a bar, I’d make sure I felt good about how I looked that day, walk in with a look of cool confidence (just remember, nobody can see how you feel unless you let it show), order a diet coke, and bust out the homework. I would not, however, be able to actually get much done. Continuing to look confident, and watch for my companions to arrive would take a lot of my energy and attention away from the task.