They’re calling me Dubya’s speech writer today at work, because of the following I crafted for a retiring co-worker out of Bushisms:
To [insert co-worker’s name],
This is historic times, your retirement. Retirement—that means to be tired again. I’m going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I’m smart on the subject. My job is a job to make decisions. I’m a decision—if the job description were, what do you do—it’s decision maker. Your job is now to be retired—you’re a retirement maker
Because of your work, children who once wanted to die are now preparing to live. You’re one of the outstanding leaders in a very important part of the world. I want to thank you for strategizing our discussions. Thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well.
About retirement, I tell people, let’s don’t fear the future, let’s shape it. This business about graceful exit just simply has no realism to it at all.
I am the master of low expectations. This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating, but I’ve coined new words, like, misunderestimating and Hispanically. That’s my advice to you on this whole retirement thing.
Honestly, about thirty of those words are mine, and the rest are all direct quotes from our commander in chief. I’m not a Bush-hater by any means, I just thought it was funny. Speaking off the cuff isn’t his strong suit, and that’s OK. I’m not always that good on the fly either. And we all say stupid things on a regular basis, we just don’t have people recording our every word.