Regarding last week’s family-medical things (since called me, belatedly, on Monday to wish me a happy birthday):

• It seems that didn’t have back surgery. It’s just a herniated disc (I say “just,” even though I hear they’re terribly painful and awful, because it’s not related to the cancer), and the second surgeon didn’t want to operate because it could possibly give the cancer an open door to her spine. So she’s doing alternative therapy like cortisone shots and physical therapy.
• I didn’t realize it had been so long ago, but my aunt actually had her mastectomy 9 years ago, just a month apart from . This is potentially good, because it means she was in remission for a really long time. didn’t know if the doctors were considering the kidney cancer (which it definitely is) a continuation of the breast cancer (which automatically puts her in stage 3 or 4, I don’t remember which), or if it’s a new situation. The potential is there for this to be not nearly as bad as I thought. ( is Stage 4, which we knew, but when I looked up stats I was even more surprised. There’s a 20% chance of still being alive 5 years after diagnosis, and has been active and perky for the last 8 or so. And the percent drops every year after the 5th. So really, she’s a statistical anomaly. Or really rare.)
• and are screwed if she doesn’t go back to work in the fall, because he doesn’t have insurance through his job (he’s the only paid employee other than the owner, so he just gets a check to put towards insurance), and it got too expensive to carry on his insurance from his last job. And they’ll never be able to get a new insurance policy on if she loses what she has. This was troubling.
• I also got an email from about my cousin’s wife’s cancer, but I don’t want to depress you all, so I’ll leave that for another day.

Regarding this morning’s roommate antics:

• called me on her lunch break to complain. She is quite upset about the whole thing. Pile on top of that the fact that she broke up with her boyfriend late last night (new boyfriend, but still, no fun, and they’d been friends for years and years before that, so really no fun), and she’s not having a good day.
• The only solution we came up with so far (because it is impossible to understand the universe lives in which would make his actions acceptable) was for me to email him, stating very clearly that I was not moving out clearly, etc, even though I had done this all before. And then I told him to call . And when he does, I think she’s going to tear him a new one. Rightfully so.
• The alternate solution, as far as is concerned, is to start looking for a new place to live for herself and her pets. A sad option, but one she is seriously considering at the moment. I do think that she tends to be a bit impulsive on things like this, but lacks follow-through, so it’s OK. A few months ago she was really upset at some situations that had happened at her job and she took the next day off to look for a new one… and nothing really came of it, and now she’s still half-heartedly looking for a new one. And really, I don’t care, since it would be after I moved out and wouldn’t affect my life. She jokingly asked to move in with and I, and we all had a good laugh about that.

It’s been a busy morning! Looking forward to my weekend, where I can hopefully forget all this drama (though I did give my cell number in case she needed me for… something).

popularity: 22%

I was just out getting coffee, chattin’ it up with my favorite barista, Tammy. She was feeling talkative today. Asked me if I was going home for the 4th, and then remembered that lives up here now. Then she remembered that I was getting married (”two months!” I said), and how exciting is that, blah blah blah. I move over to wait for my order, and she comes around to the other side of the counter to talk with me. She’s asking wedding questions, like everyone else does, and then she asks where we’re registered at, what we want/need, etc. It was quite clear that she had every intention of giving us a gift. I was joking it up about how and I don’t really need anything that’s on our registries because we’ve both been living on our own for quite some time, etc., and so forth…. At one point, I had to say, “Tammy, you don’t have to get us something.” (I may have said “me” instead of “us.” Oops! That’s only slip-up number two or three, I think.) I quickly changed the topic to what her plans for the 4th are (she’s going on vacation for the next 9 days, but she’s not going anywhere, but staying home and taking care of stuff that needs to get done).

After I left, I realized I should have said, “Tammy, you shouldn’t get us something.” Oh well. But I just totally wasn’t expecting that situation. asked my annoying co-worker what the office should do for me for a gift, which wasn’t unexpected, and so he asked me, and I said “nothing, I want you to do nothing,” and he just smiled and said he didn’t think BOSS would take that for an answer. I’m not surprised there. That seems like… a normal thing to do, give a group wedding present to a co-worker. I’m assuming we’ll do the same for another co-worker who’s getting married in August, and I’ll chip in for that. We don’t do birthdays or anything else, but, you know, weddings don’t happen every day. But my barista? I know I go there almost every day and I’m a loyal customer, but… it’s just weird. I mean, I’m flattered, but it’s weird. Weirder than when she told me I needed to invite her to the wedding (because sometimes that just something people say when they don’t know what else to say).

popularity: 22%

My roommate is on crack. This morning there was a note on the kitchen table from saying that the new guy was moving in this weekend and that he’d get something (presumably referring to money) and the application form from him next week.

Wha?

So when I got in to work this morning I emailed to see if she had know what was going on and to offer my support if need be. The good news (I think) is that has moved most of his stuff out of his room, so I am presuming that the new guy is moving into that one and is going to be moving into my room (there was talk of that).

In case anyone is confused, shortly after and I got engaged, I left a very detailed and specific note for my roommates that said I would be moving out at the end of August. I have had several conversations with in particular (who is not to blame in this situation, and just emailed back to say she didn’t know what was going on) about the whole not-living-together-before-marriage thing, and have been quite clear that I would be moving out at the end of August. I did mention that I might be able to be flexible by perhaps a week or so. She completely understood and was on board, especially since they still have two months to find an acceptable roommate.

, however, must be on something. It’s the only reason I can come up with for such… erratic and disrespectful behavior. Roommates should decide together on who the new roommate is. There was no need for me to be consulted in this, since I would be moved out before the new person moved in. However, if he’s moving in now, I certainly would have expected to be notified and asked for my approval, since I would presumably be living with this person for two months. As would my cat, of whom I am very over-protective (perhaps wrongly so, but she is a tad neurotic and I can’t help it). Seeing as how was thrown for a loop by this morning’s note, this has been very disrespectful for to do to her alone, disregarding my role in the situation.

Furthermore, it’s not like knows me well enough (or could even pretend to) that he might have thought he could convince me to move out early. If he knew me well enough to think he might be able to talk me into that, he would have know well enough that I wouldn’t go for an idea like that. And it’s not like things look like I’m packed up and ready to move out. Yes, I’ve packed some boxes, but my room remains generally untouched. Wait, the bottom shelf of my books is mostly packed up. But really. No one should be under any delusions that I might be able or willing to move out any time soon.

We’ll see how this pans out. One way or another, at least a few people will be unhappy by the end of the weekend. I’m just not sure at this moment which people those will be.

popularity: 20%

AfroGirl: [wearing scarf in hair - trust me, it's cute; attempting to control afro by pulling it back with clip, with little success]

Rude Co-Worker (RC): [staring at AfroGirl] I’m bored, and watching you is as entertaining as anything else.

AfroGirl: [withholds disparaging remark about co-worker] Well, it’s more annoying to me.

RC: Yeah, but I’m always annoying to you.

AfroGirl: That’s why I said more annoying.

RC: If you were actually that annoyed, you’d move down to the empty cubicle at the end of the row.

AfroGirl: [has pondered moving cube several times, thereupon determining that all available options are just as unsatisfactory] The one without a computer?

RC: [in a snotty high-school girl voice] They’d move your computer.  Geez!

AfroGirl: [leaves for lunch]

popularity: 21%

This week’s Dear Prudence had a letter in it that could have been written by me (just about two years ago). I bet you can figure out which one it is. And I think that was the most terrifying part of starting to date, to be perfectly honest. And yes, I freaked out about it several times. It’s all good now, though.

popularity: 15%

So has asked me repeatedly what has brought about this recent hatred for my job. I couldn’t figure out any specific trigger, like the fact that was on vacation [though she was for two weeks], or new responsibilities [none on that front], or… anything. I just figured that I’ve been annoyed for quite a while and it’s been building, and I finally put words on the problem, you know? I’ve found in my life that putting things into words often makes them bigger, more real. For instance, if you have a crush on someone, and you tell someone else, all of a sudden it’s a big deal. But if you had just kept quiet, it might have gone away. Of course, sometimes putting something into words makes things smaller; they lose their power. Like if you put a specific fear or problem into words and realize just how ridiculous it sounds. So when I finally put the “unhappy” and “unsatisfied” terms on what I was feeling and voiced those to the world, it got bigger, more real.

But, this morning, after having been at work less than an hour, I have discovered one other potential trigger. My co-worker, the one I often find so very annoying… it’s not that he’s being more annoying than usual or particularly offensive or something like that. What is happening, however, is that he is talking aloud to himself much more often, and also to the back of my head when I’m clearly in the middle of a project (you know, spreadsheets or databases open on the screen, fingers moving over the keyboard). The latter part is a little more normal, though it goes through phases where he’s more or less interested in conversing with me. I think right now he’s bored with… life. He keeps talking to me, and when he doesn’t get anywhere because I ignore him or give him nominally polite responses, the talking-to-himself occurs with much more frequency. As does the aloud sighs and burping (the latter being completely unacceptable in my opinion, especially if you’re not going to say “excuse me”). He’s always talked aloud, but usually it’s vaguely under the guise of conversing with someone nearby, you know how that goes. But now it seems he doesn’t care to even pretend to talk to another person. And it’s always the most ridiculous (and repetitive) things. Some examples (things actually heard come out of his mouth in the last week):

• “Hallelujah. I’m a fish.”
• When the receptionist comes back from break and tells me so (”I’m back”), he says “and better than ever!” or something equally ridiculous.
• Yesterday he had a rather lengthy discussion of the new McDonald’s salads with the back of my head. He also had a rather long personal phone call (upwards of half an hour) where he told the caller most of the stories I’ve heard him tell (mostly about his horse) over the last week or two.
• This morning he told me he’s leaving early and is taking tomorrow off (to which I inwardly rejoiced), and attempted to tell me I would have to run the fire drill we are having at 2.
• The first ten minutes of work this morning were spent insulting my choice in shoes (I walked to work, quite accidentally, and so got blisters because they weren’t the best shoes to do that in, but really, walking 2 miles in almost any pair of sandals could give a girl blisters).

Soon after that I popped my headphones on. Because I’d rather not be crabby today if I can help it. Last night, called to chat, and I’d completely forgotten that I had had a bad day at work. Of course, it probably helped that shortly after I got home, and came over. (In addition to the Shrek 1&2 videos she and gave me, I also got a nice potted begonia.) was adorable, though we forgot to take pictures. I’ll see him in a few weeks, though - he gets to be the only boy present at my shower.

Well, I think that’s a long enough post for so early in the morning. I’m going to go in search of more ways to improve my work environment. “Play that funky music, white boy” by Wild Cherry just shuffled on. Woo-hoo!

popularity: 31%

Well, I’m still not terribly happy at work, but I’m working on it. Yesterday I hit a new low - I actually went on the internal site to look and see if there were any jobs open in State employment that I was qualified for and/or would enjoy. That was a big no. Well, I only looked at the Metro area, but I don’t think that moving to Roseau is an option right now. And that would add a whole new level of unhappiness to my life anyways. Later last night I realized that right now wouldn’t be an ideal time to change jobs anyway, since the next several months involve a lot of change already, and I should limit the number of stressful, life-altering experiences I have at one time. So instead I’m working on my attitude, or at least coming up with coping mechanisms. Putting on my headphones seems to work pretty well, as does taking a lazy, slow-walking break outside in the sun.

If nothing else, and are coming to visit tonight, and that’s definitely a happy point. It’s been more than a month since I’ve seen them! She has sent pictures lately, though, that I haven’t posted. Would you like me to? You’ll have to request it. If I remember to take pictures tonight, I’ll definitely post those.

I’ve read some interesting pieces of news lately and will probably get around to blogging about them by the end of the week. Still working on those archives, too (”just” October 2005 through February 2006 left, though if you notice those are my highest posting months - why didn’t someone just tell me to shut up at some point?).

Another coping mechanism (for work) that I’m exploring is the idea that I am a process-oriented person. I like the big picture, but I also like knowing exactly what it is that needs to be done in the little details, and why. That is some of my frustration at work - a lack of process, or understanding of process. So I’m working on that. I also have cleaned up my desk a little bit and reorganized in an effort to make things more enjoyable (it didn’t really work, but every little bit helps).

Last night… what did I do last night? Oh, that’s right - I stopped off at JoAnn after work, and then at Wal-Mart. Was disappointed both places, and may have to coerce to take me to Michaels on Saturday while we’re across the street at the Burnsville mall. We’re shopping for… well, I’m not sure what she’s shopping for, but I am in need of some foundational pieces for my bridal attire, if you catch my drift. Last night I was looking for some flower-arranging stuff to work on my veil, and was thwarted at every turn. Stem pearls? No. Clear combs? No. All I came home with was white floral tape and wire.

I did, however, repair several pieces of handmade jewelry that had been hanging around, including ’s necklace for the wedding and a black necklace to go with the black dress bought me. And I ate a large quantity of Pizza Luce. And went to bed [almost] early.

Oh! I had the most unsettling shower this morning. Hop in and notice that there’s the shadow of a rather large bug moving around on the other side of the shower curtain. It keeps moving, so I couldn’t stop paying attention, for fear that it would decide it needed to be in the shower with me. Then I noticed another bug, slightly smaller, crawling on the inside of the shower curtain with me. It was red and had lots of little legs and moved fast - I’d look it up for reference but that would totally gross me out. So you’ll just have to imagine. It’s quite frightening to try to deal with bugs while in the shower - I felt completely defenseless, seeing as how I was naked and didn’t have anything to hit it with. Finally got the little one washed down the drain and the other one came around inside, and it was the same thing only bigger. Totally icky gross scary. Eventually had to step out of the shower and grab a flip-flop to kill the thing. So that was a waste of 5 minutes. Then, as I’m shampooing my hair (and still a bit on edge), a moth flew into the shower with me. Normally wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but I’d already dealt with too much. Showers are supposed to be relaxing and help one get ready for the day, and mine … was completely unsatisfying on that account.

Mm… James Blunt, “You’re Beautiful,” just came over my headphones. Love that song. I play a pretty mean rendition of it, too, on my guitar.

popularity: 33%

I am not coping well with work these days. I’m not sure what it is, but everything and everyone is annoying me. I can go over it again and again in my head, and there just aren’t enough reasons to go looking for a new/different job (not enough to outweigh the reasons to stay). I am anxiously awaiting Wednesday, when certain people who are annoying me will be at a meeting off-site that I don’t have to go to. But even then, there will still be plenty of people around to annoy the pants off of me.

Maybe I need to go home and watch “Office Space.”

Also, the guy with the hacking-phlegm problem has gotten considerably worse over the last few weeks in terms of volume, frequency, etc.  And he seems to be in the office more often too.  And certain other male co-workers feel that it’s appropriate to belch out loud (though not in a junior high I can do it better than you can sort of way).  It’s driving me insane, I tell ya.

popularity: 24%

Wonderment has moved! Of course, you probably noticed this, since you’re here. If you didn’t notice the redirect, make sure to update your bookmarks now, since at some point I’ll remove the redirect, and then you’ll just be lost. We don’t want that.

The update isn’t entirely complete, but I was sad over the not-blogging for so long, so I figured I’d get what I had out there. Basically, just ignore the archives for the second half of 2005 and all of 2006 and you should be good.

I’ll get a real post up shortly. Comments on the design etc are welcome!

popularity: 17%

Editor’s note: this post has been composed over several days, so it may be disjointed. Deal with it.

bought me a dress a few weeks ago. It’s so pretty!

And then we bought my wedding band (or he bought, I should say):

Have I mentioned that I’m in love with this ring? Perhaps unhealthily so? Really. L.O.V.E it. I think I could go on, but y’all might be frightened.

And then the next weekend we went back and bought his wedding band. I’d show you a picture, but I don’t remember exactly what it looks like, and it’s not on the jeweler’s website, so… you’ll just have to imagine. It’s Tungsten, and has a brushed finish.

After some drama, we learned that we didn’t sell ’s townhouse, so the beautiful apartment complex will just have to live without us. We started moving my stuff into his house - a little each time makes a big difference, and should hopefully alleviate some of the frustration and stress that is inherent with moving.

When I woke up Wednesday morning, my fish Pepe was dead. Finally. I know that sounds horrible, but he has been on the brink of death for weeks (maybe months). Last week, he was admonished and told that he was supposed to die by the end of the week, and then he perked up the next day. So I’m glad he finally kicked it. He is, after all, just a goldfish. Plus, this means now that I can clean out the mega-disgusting tank. I can put the Plecostomus in some sort of container by himself for a bit while I de-gunkify and de-algae the tank. I think new rocks are in order, and new decorative elements. And then no new fish until after the move. Just the Plecostomus in the tank by himself. He won’t care. And that fish can survive almost anything. He’s pretty amazing. And huge!

As far as wedding plans, things are going well. Final arrangements were made with the florist. The meal was sketched out and price approximated. Just this week, I found shoes for the reception (in white, of course).

Earlier, I’d made peace with the whole not-wearing-shoes issue. I’m quite grateful to both and who were both adamant that I should not be wearing them, even when I was willing to appease . Then our pastor got on board with the barefoot, flowers-in-her-hair plan. And then I heard the greatest advice: don’t be someone you’re not. So… I won’t be. Barefoot (mostly barefoot, since I have “foot jewelery), flowers in my hair, what else screams “hippie” ?

I had a quiet (and good) birthday yesterday. gave me some really fun stuff, and called. We also went to church and brunch, finished installing the trim in his bathroom, and put in the transfer strips (or whatever you call the piece between the tile and carpeting). Now all that’s left (for those of you keeping track) is to sand the patched spots and paint over them. Wow. And then the kickboard in the kitchen and… I think that’s it (for the manual labor, that is). can correct me if I’m wrong.

That’s it for now. I should go back to working on those archives. I missed y’all! You should leave lots of comments so we can re-connect….

popularity: 17%

1. Compulsion :: -ary
2. Spiritual :: leader
3. Spray :: nozzle
4. Compatibility :: 29 dimensions of (thanks, Neil Clark Warren)
5. Pursuit :: of happiness
6. Fake :: eyelashes
7. Mobile :: phone
8. Ceremony :: wedding
9. Ribbons :: in her hair
10. Mozart :: Beethoven

popularity: 18%

Today has not started well. The night before last, I couldn’t fall asleep. Yesterday wasn’t all that bad - I wasn’t terribly tired. But I had mega problems waking up this morning. And when I finally got in to work, there was a note on my desk asking me to make photocopies for a meeting that was occurring in 15 minutes. One of my co-workers has been doing some statewide trainings for the last month, one or two all-day sessions each week, which has meant a lot of work for her and some other people (on top of her usual load) - thankfully, I haven’t been involved in this project. But it means that she is way behind in all her other work. And because I work for her on one particular project, she sometimes thinks she can treat me like her own personal secretary, and I strongly dislike that. So today, I find myself saying, “I am strongly dissatisfied with my job.” Is that OK to say? It’s true. And if I thought it were worth it, at this point I might consider looking for another job. But when push comes to shove, at the moment I’m not qualified for much, and of the jobs I could get in this general area, none would pay as well. And I don’t want to look for a job that is different (like if someone was foolish enough to hire me to do their website stuff full time), because that’s much closer to a career that I’d be satisfied with, and I don’t want to get off track in my actual career goal. And I’m a bit lazy (looking for a job is hard work, as both and can attest). So I’m stuck here, admittedly of my own choosing. It’s just not a good day.

Probably not the post you wanted to read after such a long hiatus. Sorry. Actually, since the blog isn’t actually back up yet, I’ll make sure to post something… better for you, when I do come back. How about that? For now, I’m just going to sit here and be unhappy for a while (generally, the hours from 9-5).

I did get to yell at a telemarketer (who then apologized for calling), so that helped.

popularity: 16%

I’d said I wasn’t going to post right now because I’m going through a major overhaul of the blog and it’s just too much hassle in this time of flux. But, after talking to last night, I have some news that I thought I should report.

Yesterday, my aunt had one of her kidneys removed, as well as some nearby lymph nodes and a rib. They won’t know for a few days, but they think it’s malignant (from the Latin ‘mal’ meaning ‘bad’). This means that what was originally breast cancer several years ago is now back with a vengeance. My poor .

Also yesterday, went on disability (and stopped working) for the summer. Chemo has exhausted her, and she’s trying to regain her strength. She may or may not return to work in the fall.

Also, her [oldest] dog is dying. She may or may not be alive this fall. She’s not in pain, but nearly immobile, and once she shows any signs of pain or ceases to be mobile, she’s going to a better place.

So, that was a fun phone call. It wasn’t all that bad, really, since seemed to be in a great mood and wanted to know what she should wear to the wedding, wanted to hear all the details, etc. sounded tired. Who wouldn’t be, with his wife and only sister both fighting cancer.

Now I’m just sad, so I’m going to do something much more happy, like… eat some chocolate covered raisins. Did you know Raisinets came out with a dark chocolate covered version, and it’s delish? I’m not a huge fan of dark chocolate, but it totally works in this instance. I highly recommend.

popularity: 19%