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Chicken Soup for the Friday Fiver’s Soul
- How often do you usually get sick each year? Once in the winter.
- Which is worse to catch: a cold or the flu? I wouldn’t know the difference, because I don’t run a fever or vomit when I’m sick.
- Do you plan to get a flu shot? Why or why not? Yes, because they’re free through work and… it just seems like a good idea.
- What are your favorite home remedies for cold and flu symptoms? Chicken soup with fresh crushed garlic and cayenne pepper for a head cold. Or hot orange drink (like “Tang”).
- When you’re sick do you take “sick days” or do you force yourself to continue working? It depends on how things are at work. As long as I won’t feel bad leaving them to fend for themselves, I’ll stay home. I have no problems staying home – I earned those sick days, darn it!
I really have nothing to say today. Nothing.
Yes, this does mean I have stinky breath right now. But not as bad as Saturday night when I tried the pickled garlic  got me at the Renaissance Festival. Whew! This goes beyond combating his pickle breath – I will clearly win. Let’s not have a competition, k?
Somewhere around August 18th, 1996 is where this story takes place. My parents drove me to college to move in. I was a freshman and terribly nervous, and preliminary meetings with my assigned roommate had gone OK, but not fabulously. We were not going to be best friends (in fact, she ended up transferring to another school at the end of the year because Judson was not the place for her). Scores of upperclassmen were hanging out just begging to help take boxes into the dorm for us (it was a service I was to provide for the next three years as a Student Senate officer). All moved in, there wasn’t much left for my parents to do but go home (a whopping 30 minute drive if you go the speed limit – 15 if you’re really “talented”). But, there was something later that day for parents that they were waiting around for, so they decided to go “out” and would come back later. I unpacked boxes, made my bed, probably hid from people and wasn’t terribly social (sound familiar? maybe I haven’t changed that much in ten years). They came back a few hours later with snacks for my room, because we hadn’t thought of that. Included was a bag of Snyders of Hanover pretzel pieces (this is the only thing I remember) in Honey Mustard and Onion flavor, which I adored at the time (despite how gross they sound, they’re fabulous). I think they got me some other stuff for my room – ah, yes, they bought me a window air fan. So sweet.
I bought a big bag in the Skyway last week and have been slowly munching on them. They remind me of… a different time. Not necessarily happier, but definitely more innocent.
I’d post some pictures from 1996, but I’m at work and don’t have any here. Bummer.
- Bell :: Door
- Abuse :: Alcohol
- Relief :: Extended
- List :: To-Do
- Concern :: Worry
- Absolute :: Truth
- Cling :: Wrap
- Dump :: Truck
- Terminate :: Employment
- Wine :: Yum!!!
Today’s History Lesson: Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, when you go to school the second time around and you’re older, you’re actually smarter than you were the first time. Who knew?
Yeah, I know, I have previously strongly stressed how this blog is a politics-free zone, simply because often discussions of such a nature infuriate me. In an effort to perhaps not get so passionate about things and be able to discuss them reasonably (yeah, I’m doubtful that I’ll be able to accomplish this, but how will I know if I don’t try? will be proud of me for that attitude). So, while on digg this afternoon, I ran across the “World’s Smallest Political Quiz.” Really, 30 seconds would be a long estimate, and that’s if you’re a slow reader. 10 questions. Go ahead and take it.
Confirming what I’ve known since high school when we had to take a similar quiz in Government, I was told that I am a Centrist.
Like I’ve said, I could have told you this before. I think on the 1-100 scale, I score 50, I’m that middle of the road. So, what I’d like to know is, what’s your score?
Today’s History Lesson: roommates are good, especially when you pack and make all your plans to be gone from the house for a weekend except for the tiny act of feeding your cat.  will be extremely grateful (as will I) to  for feeding her this weekend, and it goes a long way towards feelings of goodwill since owes me utilities and cable and won’t be paying me for another two weeks. At least she told me, right? Um, no. Partially my fault, since I didn’t get the breakdown to my roommates for awhile.
Now, I try to not be a jealous person. Occasionally situations come up where I think I probably should be jealous, or could be jealous, and I consciously recognize that, and then remind myself whatever it is I need to in order to squash that jealousy (for instance, were my man talking to a beautiful woman who was all over him, I might think briefly that I should be jealous, and then I would remind myself that I completely and totally trust him, and then the problem is solved). But occasionally this plan doesn’t work.
Like earlier this week, when I was riding the bus to work behind some guy who had Gorgeous hair (emphasis on the capital “G”). I don’t know a single woman who wouldn’t have been jealous. It was slightly long, but not shaggy – perfectly cut, no split ends. Voluminous without being overwhelming. Full-bodied, a slight curl/wave, but not like mine. Thick, but not overly so. Brown and shiny (how do people get their hair so shiny? curly hair just doesn’t really do that – something about light particles refracting off the surface….). Oh my goodness. Now, I only saw the back of his head, and never caught his face, so he could have been completely hideous (though what a waste of a perfectly good head of hair). I almost had to sit on my hands to avoid touching it. (Not unlike when I sit on the bus behind the woman with all the split ends, and I really just want to turn to her and give her the advice to get a haircut, but I don’t, because, well, that kind of advice really isn’t welcome from strangers.)
Today’s History Lesson: on this day in 1954, “Sabrina” opened in theatres. (Courtesy of History.com, because I didn’t do any homework last night and couldn’t think of something on my own.)
It turns out my last iTunes purchase was full of sad songs. I thought I’d weeded out the really depressing stuff and saved it for a later download. (OK, a few songs didn’t fit the mold, and if you’re interested, here’s the rest of them: Kanye West & Jamie Fox – Gold Digger; Sarah Evans – The Secrets That We Keep; The Pussycat Dolls – Wait a Minute; Kelly Clarkson – Walk Away; Toby Keith – Who’s Your Daddy.)
[Editor's Note: format is as follows:
Artist Name - Song Title
key lyrics
my thoughts, if I had any]
Sara Evans – A Real Fine Place To Start
Didn’t know love could run so deep
Didn’t know I’d lose this much sleep
Figurin’ out what love really means
Baby givin’ you my heart,
Is a real fine place to start
The perfect moment when your skin is next to mine
Daniel Powter – Bad Day
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go
Tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces every time
And I don’t need you to carry on
Kelly Clarkson – Breakaway
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away
I think this just continues my post from earlier today about church and faith….
Brad Paisley – Find Yourself (from the Cars Soundtrack)
When you find yourself
In some far off place
And it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly
You’re becoming someone else
And then you find yourself
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it’s just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that’s when you find yourself
This song is really good, but something about the way he sings it is just really… sad, or maybe just reflective and quiet. I’m not sure. It makes me pause. It also hits on the afore-mentioned desire to find myself, and how one goes about doing that.
James Taylor – How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)
I needed the shelter of someone’s arms, and there you were
I needed someone to understand my ups and downs, and there you were
With sweet love and devotion
Deeply touching my emotion
I close my eyes at night
Wondering where would I be without you in my life
Daniel Bedingfield – If You’re Not The One
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Bedingfield (brother of Natasha, one of my new favorite artists) has a beautiful voice.
Rascal Flatts – Life Is A Highway (from the Cars Soundtrack)
Come ride with me to the distant shore
Just tell ‘em we’re survivors
There was a distance between you and I
A misunderstanding once
But now we look in the eye
OK, this is a really energetic song and I looooove it, and it really doesn’t belong on this list because it doesn’t make me sad at all. But a few of the lyrics went along with the theme….
Keith Urban – Making Memories of Us
I wanna sleep with you forever
And I wanna die in your arms
Sinead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
To you
Yes, straight out of junior high, but such a good song sometimes. Really, truly depressing though.
Rihanna – SOS
‘Cause every moment gone you know I miss you
I’m the question and you’re of course the answer
Another really upbeat song, but the lyrics betray the energy
Sara Evans – These Four Walls
I’m not famous, but my kids think I’m a star
I’m not rich, but I’ve made a million memories so far
I may not be a model, but my man thinks I could be
I may not be from royalty, but in these four walls I’m the queen
I had to let it go, but I have no regrets
I would have never known this kind of happiness
This song just continues my thoughts from a few weeks back about women staying home with their kids and not continuing their careers. I still have… unsettling thoughts on this topic, and am unresolved about the whole thing.
Annie Lennox – Walking on Broken Glass
I’m living in an empty room
With all the windows smashed
And I’ve got so little left to lose
Nick Lachey – What’s Left of Me
Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I’ve never been
Now I’m broken,
And I’m faded,
I’m half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what’s left of me
I’ve been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles
If you go on iTunes and look up this album, lots of people will give really positive comments about it. They’re right. It’s fantastic. I may think he’s an idiot for marrying Jessica Simpson and for having that reality TV show, but his music here is amazing. This song in particular, especially if you can forget the whole Jessica situation and listen to it just as a song without context, is fabulous.
Rascal Flatts – What Hurts the Most
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
No, I don’t actually have anyone that I feel this way about. This song is really about regrets, and I don’t have those. But I understand where it’s coming from, and it takes me back to a time when I felt very similar to this.
Tim McGraw – When the Stars Go Blue
Where do you go when you’re lonely
Where do you go when you’re blue
Where do you go when you’re lonely
I’ll follow you
When the stars go blue
James Blunt – You’re Beautiful
You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.
Sigh. Can I say more?
Shawn Mullins – You Mean Everything to Me
You mean everything to me
So if there is anything at all
All you’ve got to do is call
And you know that I would
Drive 10,000 miles
Just to show you that I care
Just to kiss your honey hair
And pull you close and hold you
Like a child
Really, here’s what I think is going on. [Editor's interruption: I'm not sure this post will actually make it online, but perhaps no one will have read to the end of this long post and so it won't matter?] They stopped providing my meds from Canada, and my prescription ran out. And I’ve been super lazy in getting it refilled here, so, well, I’m out. I was actually out about a week ago, but I’ve been taking a pill here and there, kind of rationing them out. Yes, I know this is bad, and I can’t actually stop cold turkey (it says so right on the package), and all I really need to do is walk over to Walgreens tonight and find out what it’s going to take to fix the situation. No lectures, please.
But in the midst of my laziness, I’ve slipped back (just a little) into what it felt like before I was on meds. It’s just a glimpse, really, but enough to know a few things. One, it is not time to lower my dosage or stop altogether. I am not “better,” as I suspected. 15 years of feeling one way due to a chemical imbalance cannot be completely overcome by 3 years of meds. That’s the honest truth. But two, there is a whole set of… feelings that I no longer experience at all, a whole way of being, a way I could have defined myself, that isn’t a part of me anymore. And while I don’t really want to be the person I used to be, and I know that who I am now is better, it makes me a little sad for that lost part of myself that I can never truly get back. I mean, I can, by going of meds, but I can’t really get it back as just a “part” of myself. It’s all or nothing, and I’m not about to go back to being that person, as much as I miss her, as much as she was a part of me for so many years, as much as she was a much more inspired writer and artist, much more in touch with my inner life… she needs to stay gone. And that’s really hard.
There’s enough people in my life who don’t even know me as I used to be.  does, and held my hand when I first went on meds, but in the four years of our friendship, only one of them was the old me. And I don’t think I was as close to  yet. Yes, there’s family, but they’ve known me through everything, and that’s an entirely different perspective. Plus, they have to love me. All my friends from college and high school youth group (mainly  know me before, but I barely know them now. We’re not close, on a day-to-day basis, so they can hardly judge.
I’m not sure if I set out what I meant to say, or if I said anything of [understandable] substance at all. There’s no reason to worry. In fact, I’m leaving work shortly, and I’ll stop at home to pick up my prescription and walk myself over to Walgreens pronto. But, in case anyone read this far… I thought you should know, that’s where I am (emotionally speaking). And I’m feeling… anxious, naked, about having put this out there, but I’m going to be brave.
Today’s coffee cup says:
“It’s tragic that extremists co-opt the notion of God, and that hipsters and artists reject spirituality out of hand. I don’t have a fixed idea of God. But I feel that it’s us – the messed-up, the half-crazy, the burning, the questing – that need God, a lot more than the goody-two-shoes do.”
-Mike Doughty, Musician
I realize that some people who only know me a little bit, might classify me as an “extremist” when it comes to God. I mean, I have strong beliefs, and they’re set in stone. They happen to be basically the same as what my parents believe and what the church I grew up in preached, but they are not my parents’ ideas. What I mean is, I have spent serious time thinking about them and evaluating them and deciding for myself if that’s what I really believe. They are my beliefs.But I also think that, at least in terms of this quote, I get to be classified as “the messed-up… the questing.” I know lots of people that would call me a “goody two-shoes,” and with good reason. But I don’t think they understand that I haven’t lived live on the narrow path necessarily for the reasons they think I have. I hate getting in trouble, and the fear of that is more powerful a motivator than guilt is for , and that’s saying a lot. Also, I honestly didn’t have a lot of opportunity to stray from the path. Well, I mean, I could have, if I had sought that out. I saw [what I thought was] a drug deal on my first day of high school, and knew plenty of people who did things with boys that I still haven’t done, or smoked, or drank, or any number of other things. I generally wasn’t interested, and was truthfully never offered to partake in any of the afore-mentioned. The closest I came to peer pressure was having to refuse multiple offerings of Mountain Dew. I know, such a sheltered life. I knew about all the other stuff that was out there, but it wasn’t right out in front of me. Most of my teenage rebellion would be considered tame to others, but to me it was still a rebellion. It was rebellion in this sense: “An act or a show of defiance toward an authority or established convention.” Anyways, that’s not what this post started to be about, and it’s quite a tangent, so I’ll just drop it for now.
A message board I read (that often infuriates me but has lately been tame and worth reading) for Christian singles recently had a discussion between two women who, among other things, were sharing a common experience of having doubts and questions in their faith and not having a place in the Christian community to work through that. I completely understood where they were coming from (though, to be fair, my last church was absolutely a comfortable place to work through that, as long as you weren’t staff, but that’s another post too, and one I recently made). I eventually came to the conclusion that I needed to create a place to do that. I’ve felt fortunate that most of my friends have been comfortable with me expressing my doubts and thoughts and feelings in terms of my faith. But I’ve also had a few friends/family who have been very uncomfortable with it, and who have unintentionally pressured me to “get back with the program,” so to speak.
But back to this forum that I’ve created for myself. I don’t have a “home church” anymore, one where I feel at home and attend regularly, where I know people and want to do social things with them, where I know that we all basically believe the same things, enjoy the same type of worship, and can basically be like family. It’s been a long time since I’ve had that. My church in Michigan was like that for the first six months, until all hell broke loose, that is. The church I grew up in was like that, but so many changes have happened that I barely know anyone there anymore, and since  has moved here, my connection has been even further severed.
And I would like to have a home church again, but it’s not exactly an easy process to find one. There are so many factors, like location (given my transportation situation) and style of worship and theological beliefs (conservative, but not overly so, because I’m progressively conservative, if that makes sense) and people of the right age and socio-economic class, and yet also diverse (because I don’t want everyone to be the same, and like in any family, diversity is good too). And there’s trying to find a church for myself, which would be on non-Sundays, or trying to find a church that both and I like are two different tasks.
Plus, I’ve been burned in the past, and am not ready to just jump in with both feet and hope a church gives me a big hug upon landing.
So tomorrow night I start attending a kind-of Bible study at a local church I attended a few times last fall. It’s Alpha, which is basically Christianity 101. I hope to… re-construct my faith in a safe environment. No one there knows me, and so the plan is to be absolutely honest about my doubts and feelings and thoughts (which I often find hard to do in comfortable, familiar Christian communities, because there’s the expectation that I’ve got my sh*t together). And while I don’t really need to re-construct my faith, per se, because my beliefs are still strong, it’s the practical application of them, and more importantly my relationship with the Christian community, that is really in need of a Band-Aid.
I will have to avoid the temptation to switch into Youth Pastor Kelly mode, where I have all the answers. I will listen, and I will ask questions. And I will not be afraid to sound heretical or blasphemous or sinful. Because how can I expect people to get to know the real me, be honest, or provide any sort of guidance or help if I am not, above all, honest and open? (That was a little pep talk for myself, in case you were wondering where I was going with that, because the idea really is a bit scary to me.)
And so tomorrow night at 6pm, I’m going over to the church to have dinner with a bunch of people I’ve never met (a terrifying prospect) and then sit down with a small group of them and make new friends. Or, at least, that’s the plan. It’s one of the reasons I’m only taking one class this fall, because I wasn’t sure that I could handle multiple classes, a Bible study, and time for my girls and . This is important, and so I’m making the time for it.
For the last two weeks, I’ve been trying to get a taco salad from this one place in the Skyway. And for two weeks, I’ve been thwarted. Either there’s been a really long line, or it’s been too late in the day, or… I forget to leave for lunch altogether. Whatever. So, you can imagine my joy when today I actually got there in time and there wasn’t a line and I ordered my taco salad.
Of course, I’m wildly disappointed. What else would you expect? I’ve had this taco salad before – it’s not like this was going to be some new and untried experience. But today, it falls flat. I think I’ve made better at home. Actually, I know I’ve made better at home.
Today’s History Lesson: Don’t wait 2 weeks for a fast-food taco salad. It’s not worth it.
Yesterday, and and I went to Sponsel’s Apple Orchard for our 4th annual visit. Here are some pictures for your amusement.
- Running :: Man
- Alternative :: Music
- Cope :: -ing
- Lots :: of Love
- Sympathetic :: Ear
- Barn :: -yard animals
- Totally :: Outrageous
- Baby :: Got Back
- Undeniable :: Attraction
- Watermelon :: Cake
Well, I managed to make it to 5 today, despite the numerous suggestions that I should go home. I also wrote a paper today, so now I have about 15 minutes of homework left before Monday’s class. The crick in my neck has finally disappeared, only… six or seven hours later. No rush on that one. Regardless, is coming over tonight and will hopefully give me a nice Sven-esque back rub. That is, after he goes for a run, using his new iPod (finally!) and Nike+. I’m jealous (though, yes, I haven’t gone running in, like, a year – whatever; I’m being very self-disciplined and trying hard to not be tempted by this cool new piece of technology that I’m sure would own already if she had an iPod). Sleepy, sleepy, that’s me today. Quick clean up around my house and eat dinner, and then a nice evening of relaxing in front of the TV with my love. Take out the part about having to clean the kitchen, and it’s really quite ideal.
Goal for tomorrow while at work: do not print off any more knitting/crochet patterns. I already have more than I will be able to accomplish in a lifetime, and do not have the time to start new things or money to buy more yarn. Also, perhaps I will buy some new songs from iTunes. That would be nice. My collection is getting a little tired.
- While living your day-to-day life, what are 3 things you look forward to throughout the week? At least one night per week sitting at home in front of the TV (even if I’m simultaneously knitting and/or doing homework); that moment when all of my laundry is clean; finding time to work on projects.
- Thinking into the future, what are 3 things you look forward to achieving? Grad school; living in a house where at least one of the rooms wasn’t “in progress”; working full-time in the [new] career of my choosing and enjoying it.
- Do you look forward to weekends? Why? Absolutely. First of all, I really do detest my job most of the time, and I think that speaks for itself. But mostly, it’s the only time I get to spend with . Also, I get to sleep in, and sometimes do social things. And for about half of the year, it means that I get to actually see the sun while it’s up, instead of being cooped up inside my work building with the tinted windows.
Bonus Question for Comments: Got anything special coming up that you’re looking forward to? What is it? Let’s see, there are a few things in the upcoming months to look forward to…. my cousin’s wedding next month, which means going home and seeing family and friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for years (since ‘s family continually schedules the Christmas get-together at a time that I can’t attend). just announced the Boo Ball, so there’s a chance to dress up for Halloween. My first nephew/niece will be born in December (or maybe the end of November). How’s that for starters?
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thankful
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