Finally figured out what happened with the misdirections to ’s house this weekend. She gave me her address, but mistyped a 9 instead of a 0. So when I copy-pasted that into Google, it redirected me to an entirely different address that was the highest house number on that street, which I then wrote down the address from the directions instead of the email. Also, she never told me which way to turn onto her street. (I was curious as to why I hadn’t written down whether to turn left or right.)

Thankfully, we now know how to get there, and I’ll get the right address put into Outlook and onto my ipod.html” target=”_blank”>iPod, so we shouldn’t have this problem again.

For Pete’s sake, it’s 101* out right now. It’s almost 5 pm! I really want to leave work, but… there’s no air conditioning at home.

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How can I keep my soul in me, so that
it doesn’t touch your soul? How can I raise
it high enough, past you, to other things?
I would like to shelter it, among remote
lost objects, in some dark and silent place
that doesn’t resonate when your depths resound.
Yet everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin’s bow,
which draws one voice out of two separate strings.
Upon what instrument are we two spanned?
And what musician holds us in his hand?
Oh sweetest song.

-”Love Song,” by Ranier Maria Rilke

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I have great faith in all things not yet spoken.
I want my deepest pious feelings freed.
What no one yet has dared to risk and warrant
will be for me a challenge I must meet.

If this presumptuous seems, God, may I be forgiven.
For what I want to say to you is this:
my efforts shall be like a driving force,
quite without anger, without timidness
as little children show their love for you.

With these outflowing, river-like, with deltas
that spread like arms to reach the open sea,
with the recurrent tides that never cease
will I acknowledge you, will I proclaim you
as no one ever has before.

And if this should be arrogance, so let me
arrogant be to justify my prayer
that stands so serious and so alone
before your forehead, circled by the clouds.

- “Dedication,” by Ranier Maria Rilke

I’m reading poetry today. I had lots of thoughts on this one, but they’ve slipped away in the midst of emailing and IMing and eating and doing actual work.

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Cinnabon may not solve all your problems, but it sure can help you forget them for awhile. ’s dad came over yesterday and they made Copycat Cinnabons. They are yum-my. I’m eating one for breakfast. And maybe one for lunch. Because I can. Hey, the pants I’m wearing today are too loose, and I already took them in once last year. I’d rather not take them in another 2 inches. So, the more Cinnabon, the better, right? It may also be a Starbucks day. I will try to avoid the ‘bucks, but… I’ve got absolutely no work to do, and my boss is out all week. Plus, it’s freaking hot outside. I’ve got money to go to Starbucks twice before Friday. And yes, I do owe ’s dad $4 for the bike, but I don’t think he takes debit cards. So I’ll have to give that to him next time I see him.

Speaking of which, the bike is wonderful! The brakes are good (the back ones a little worn down), the gears shift nicely, we lowered the seat a bit so it fits me almost perfectly, the tread on the tires is good… for $4, an awfully nice bike. It’s awfully ugly, but that can be easily changed. It’s too bad that it’s so hot today, because I’m not going to go home and ride my bike. Maybe tomorrow I’ll ride it to ’s though, if we meet there.

Got more settled into her house. It’s smaller, but that’s a good thing. She is only one woman, after all, and her cat is practically non-existent. set up her stereo system and TV stuff, and I put a bunch of stuff on display and into storage. I got the microwave, finally. Haven’t actually used it yet, but it’s just exciting to see it there in my kitchen. It was waaaay too hot last night for popcorn, otherwise I would have christened it. Got a cute little table, too, and there are two more (and a sofa) sitting in her garage, waiting for me to find a way to get them to my house.

Oh, and we watched a movie on Friday night that I didn’t particularly care for. But I knew that I probably wasn’t going to beforehand, so it wasn’t all that bad. I tried to have an open mind about it, really, but it just wasn’t for me. Quantum physics is not my idea of a good time. Plus, I had a headache, and was trying hard to not leave the party to go upstairs and sleep it off. I thought that’d be rude.

I have no work. OK, I have one project, but I worked on it all afternoon on Friday, and I’m just not ready to get back to it. So what shall I do with my week? This is going to be bad. At least it’s air-conditioned here. I have no desire to go home. Hopefully is staying cool. I closed the windows (left the one open a tiny crack for ventilation sake) and blinds, and left the ceiling fan on, so hopefully it won’t get too hot in the house for her. She’s got a full bowl of water. was very nice and offered to let stay in her room with the air conditioning today, since the dog is at her parents’ house, but I declined. Was that wrong? can take it, and really, my room doesn’t get that hot. There’s absolutely no direct sunlight, and we’re on the first floor. So as long as she stays where it’s cool and doesn’t start doing aerobics, she should be fine. There’s articles today in the newspaper about how to avoid overheating your dog, but no mention of cats.

Hmmm. Coke or Sprite? I wish the machine at work had 7-up.

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1. Italy :: Venice
2. Honk :: -y Tonk
3. Shades :: from the sun
4. Tool :: Hardware Hank
5. Modern :: Efficiency
6. Tension :: Water
7. Conservative :: Political
8. Weight :: Watchers (there’s a meeting today at work, if anyone’s interested)
9. Insurance :: Renter’s
10. Political :: Upheaval

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Turns out some time off work was just what I needed. I got home at 2:30, and worked basically without breaks on ’s birthday gift until 1 or 1:30 a.m. But it’s done, now. It got progressively cuter as time went on, until the very end when I put it all together, and it lost some of its cuteness. Hopefully she’ll like it anyways. I’ll take some pictures tomorrow that will hopefully turn out better than the ones I took last night.

I was glad I took this morning off of work, too, even though I didn’t get much done. I loaded the dishwasher, got the rest of my clothes put away (that were hanging on random furniture drying), took out the trash, replaced the filter in my fish tank…. Not terribly exciting, but glad to have it done before being gone for the weekend.

We’ll see how things go at ’s tomorrow. I’m trying to not have any apprehension, but there’s a part of me that’s just waiting for her to… say something. Hopefully, she’s just too preoccupied with moving and getting settled that it won’t come up. And hopefully she’ll enjoy her gift.

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1. How often do you indulge in something sweet? Waaaaaay more often than perhaps I should. Like… hourly. Perhaps more often, depending on my mood. I’m having serious chocolate cravings this week.
2. What is your favorite kind of sweet food/beverage? Chocolate. Or coffee. Or Coke. But sometimes I just crave sugar, in which case Skittles or gumdrops are good.
3. Do you have a preferred sweetener (artificial or natural)? Um, no. All of them are good. (Though I pick the “pink” packets for my coffee.)
4. Chocolate or fruity? Chocolate, all the way.
5. What is the sweetest thing anyone has done for you? Oooh, tough one. I’m pleading the 5th. All the sweet things I’m thinking of… I’m keeping to myself.

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1. Holiday: If you could celebrate any holiday twice in one year, which one would it be, and what time of the year would you celebrate it for a second time? I have two answers to this one. 1) Christmas is my all-time favorite holiday. I’d love another. Perhaps at the end of January or in February, maybe even early March - it has to be winter still, but it’d be nice if there were enough time for bank accounts to recover from the first Christmas. 2) I really like the holidays that I get off work but lots of other people don’t, like Veteran’s Day or President’s Day. We can have more of those.
2. Constitution : In your opinion, which of the following issues most needs to be addressed by a Constitutional Amendment: Balanced Budget, Flag Burning, Gay Marriage, Privacy Rights, Something Else, or the Constitution is Fine As Is and Does Not Need Any Further Amendments Right Now? My less-than-should-be-educated opinion is, Fine As Is. Ask me again in a few years after I’ve taken more history classes and brushed up on my knowledge.
3. Computer Applications: Last week, Google announced that it would soon launch Google Spreadsheet, a web-based application that someday may compete with Microsoft Excel. How do you feel about web-based applications and programs verses having applications like Microsoft Office (which include Word and Excel) loaded directly onto your computer’s hard drive? In other words, all things being equal, do you think you’d ever switch from Microsoft Excel (or Word) to a program like Google Spreadsheet, or do you like the control and comfort associated with having your computer programs and applications right on your own hard drive? I like having stuff on my own hard drive. The exceptions are email and calendar, because I like having those always accessible.
   
4. Trash: What was the last thing you threw into a trashcan? The wrapper for crackers & cheese.

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1. Would you consider yourself to be flamboyant or fairly conservative? Conservative, no doubt.
2. What is the most flamboyant thing about your appearance? My hair. It’s… uncontrollable. And that’s never going to change. Unless I shave my head completely. Which isn’t happening. Hopefully I can grow it down my back, and then it’ll be slightly controllable, only because it’ll freaking way a ton and I can braid it or pull it up at will.
3. Do you secretly wish you were more flamboyant? In what way? No, not really. “Flamboyant” is kinda a four-letter word to me. I’d like to be more… audacious or unexpected or outspoken sometimes, but basically I’m happy with me being me.
4. Where is the line between flamboyant and tacky for you? Um… there might not be one. It’s all kinda icky to me.

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There’s a nice weather plugin for Firefox that I use, mostly because I rarely get outside when I’m at work and the windows that I can see are very far away and tinted. Here’s what the toolbar looks like today:

Gee, that looks like fun, right?I wonder if ’s new house has air conditioning. I’m assuming it does. I’m glad ’s house does.

I’m going home soon. Even if it’s hot, at least I’m not here. My attitude is crummy today, and I think it will improve drastically upon leaving work. (I hope, at least.)

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Last night I was up until 1:30, and almost finished the second side of the purse I’m knitting for for her birthday. (Yes, her birthday was last Friday, and yes, I originally started making the purse for me. Things change. Deal with it.) But my hands couldn’t take any more, even with the IcyHot, and I was exhausted. There’s only ten or so rows left. And then the “gusset,” which is the piece that runs down the sides and across the bottom, and also holds the strap on. And a button, and assembly. Oh, and I decided it needed a fabric liner, so I need to pull out my sewing machine and do that (which should be quick, but still will take some time). So as much as I would love to go see My Super Ex-Girlfriend with and friends tonight, that won’t be happening. Because it has to be done before I see her on Saturday. And I got to thinking last night that I still wouldn’t have enough time for all I need to get done, and decided to take Friday morning off work, under the premise of a doctor’s appointment. Yes, it’s wrong, and I don’t care. I will have no vacation time left by the end of August, and three little hours tomorrow just don’t seem worth caring about.

And then I was thinking that I might leave work early today, depending on how my workload was (light), how annoyed I am (very), etc. Go home for the afternoon, “sick,” of being here, that is.

The problem? It’s freaking hot out today, and I don’t have air conditioning at home. That certainly puts a crimp in things. So now it’s either… stay at work, bored and frustrated and freezing, or go home and get things done that need to be done, and melt into a puddle.

I would love it if I could go home and get some laundry done. But our dryer is broken, and I haven’t gotten a hold of the landlords yet. It spins, but has no heat. And I already have two loads of laundry drying around my bedroom and closet. I don’t think there’s room for more.

My elbow hurts. Gee, I’m whiny today. Mmmm, wine. I’ve got some of that at home. We’ll see - I wouldn’t leave until after 1 anyways, so there’s still some time to figure out what to do.

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I just overheard a co-worker tell a contact at an organization we work with, “I’d prefer it in writing; I don’t trust my brain.” WTF? How professional does that sound? State employees get a bad enough rap without us adding to the perception that we’re all stupid and lazy. I understand he wants it in writing, via email - just ask for it. Don’t say “I don’t trust my brain.” Now you just sound stupid.

50-year-old men should know this.

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I frequently find myself looking for ways to entertain… myself… while at work. This leads to a lot of reading on the internet. One of my standbys is Christianity Today’s Single Minded column. There’s a new entry every couple of weeks, so occasionally I forget to check it for a while, and then have several columns to get caught up on. Today was such a day - four columns since last I’d read. Let me give the quick breakdown of my thoughts:

Surprised by Marriage
by Jason Boyett, excerpted from Pocket Guide to Adulthood
July 19, 2006

I liked this article, except that for being an article that’s supposed to encourage single people, it seemed way too “go out and get married already!” I’m not sure how that’s going to be received by … others.

Found in Translation
by Camerin Courtney
July 12, 2006

The Goodbye Girl
by Camerin Courtney
June 28, 2006

These two were alright, but didn’t exactly resonate with me. They’re mostly about the author’s recent trip to Bulgaria. They’re good, but don’t go out of your way to read them.

The Gift of Loneliness
by Peter M. Nadeau
June 21, 2006

This is the one that surprised me. Not because of the content, exactly, but because it got me thinking. And I realized that since college, I haven’t really struggled with loneliness. Not that much in college, either, except for the times that it seemed like everyone was getting married, which tends to emphasize your own singleness (and the fact that you haven’t had a date in … how long?). High school was lonely, but I think perhaps more because of the social structure than anything else.I’ve had some lonely times since college, true. I’m thinking specifically about my first few weeks after getting fired, when I had just moved into a new apartment with new roommates I barely knew, had just moved to a whole new state for a church that had just dumped me, and other than , I didn’t know anyone in Minnesota. Those were some rough times.

More so, however, I’ve felt “alone” rather than lonely. When I was working down in Arizona, I made great friends with my team. But when it came down to it, I was their boss, and sometimes there were things I had to deal with that I couldn’t talk to them about (like when my boss told me they might send me home, aka fire me, at the end of the week, depending on my performance that week - no pressure there). And then I felt alone.

When I moved to Michigan, I had a lot of alone time. That was OK, for the most part. The worst part was in April (I was only there for a year and a half), driving back from a trip home to Chicago, when I realized that I was unhappy and was going to have to start looking for a new job. I sobbed almost the entire 4 1/2 hour trip, feeling absolutely alone in this decision and… horrified at the implications.

But lonely? This is something I rarely feel. Even before my weekends were spent almost exclusively with , and before we had SNB regularly scheduled where I knew I’d see and once a week… even then when I spent most of my time working or working at church, and my free time was spent at home watching TV… I rarely felt lonely. Is that strange?

We all know that I’m not a highly social person, that “recluse” is a much better word, and I’m perfectly comfortable describing myself as a “homebody,” regardless of the negative connotation that may hold. I’ve never been one to have tons of friends - two or three close ones is about what I can handle before feeling stretched too thin. And I need my alone time, to regroup, to not have to be “on” for others, to relax.

There are other things as a single person that I felt the absence of stronger. Like physical touch. The opportunities to touch and be touched are sometimes few and far between. Or when I really wanted to do something but had no one to do it with (go to the movies, go out for coffee, things that are more enjoyable with company).

These days, I don’t have those struggles. I have more of a problem making sure I have enough time by myself to get done what I need to (laundry, reading, whatever), and enough alone time to not get frazzled.

I guess, perhaps, I’m lucky? Blessed? I’ve been trying to write this post for over an hour now and keep getting interrupted, so my thoughts have kinda fallen apart.

Miles walked since 6/1: 53

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Because I really should actually get some work done, let me just get this out there quickly. Pictures from our weekend camping are up! Here are some samples:

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1. Requirements :: for the job
2. Pizza :: toppings
3. Dating :: is hell (a blog I used to read)
4. Issue :: At
5. Sharp :: Wit
6. Distinguish :: -ed accomplishments
7. Remote :: control
8. Felony :: indictment
9. Exercise :: bike
10. Choose :: or Lose

Miles walked since 6/1: 51

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