I may very well be ill. Right now. More startling self-revelations today (though perhaps not so startling for those around me).
I have a really hard time opening up to people. I’m trying to respond to an email from . He laid it on the table, said he liked me, but isn’t sure if I like him. I’m trying to explain myself (which really shouldn’t be done over email, but I think I could have this conversation in person, so it’s not all that bad) and my situation and not wanting to hurt him or be a tease, and it’s just really hard being vulnerable. I don’t understand it fully, because I have no problem doing so with and and . And over the years there have been other friends who have filled those positions at one time or another, even guy friends. But right now I feel like throwing up. Or crying. (Or both.) Neither are acceptable at work. Good Lord, is this perhaps why I don’t date? Again the phrase comes to mind, “permanently and irreparably damaged.” Just wish I could figure out the trigger for it all.