Not halfway into my can of Sprite, I am feeling hungry (yay!) and less nauseous. Hasn’t helped much with the fact that I’m running on 2 hours of sleep, but I was able to be cordial and give a 3/4 smile to a coworker. Three cheers for progress! Of course, I’m still going to have to go home early to get sleep and find food – everything I think of that’s available in the Skyway is unappetizing. Unfortunately the soup place doesn’t have Chicken Noodle today, because that would be fantastic. Crackers would be good. (My stomach just loudly agreed.)
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Quickly, before leaving work, I’d like to go on record and remind people that when I fall for a guy, I fall fast, and I fall hard. Just putting that out there. You’ve been told.
I walked halfway to work this morning – calming and therapeutic. I woke up at 9, but hadn’t been able to fall asleep until 4:30 am. I knew both of my bosses weren’t coming in until noon-ish, so I let myself stay relaxed and not rush this morning. I made myself get out of bed, reminding myself that the sooner I got ready and got to work, the sooner I’d find out how he responded. I showered (always a good idea when a date is scheduled later) and dressed in my casual-comfortable clothes, grabbed an apple, and started walking. (Really, the next bus wasn’t going to come for 15 minutes, so it was either sit at the bus stop or take the scenic route through the park – not much of a decision there). Frank Sinatra crooned through my headphones, the morning air was damp and cool and felt wonderful on my skin. My neighborhood is relatively calm and quiet in the mornings. I was feeling pretty good by the time Checked email, reading the one from Regardless of the fact that I’m going to be bored out of my skull here today at work, I’ve got a date to look forward to, and no matter what will be surrounded by friends and family who love me. I have the most amazing friends (and sister, but she really counts as a friend these days) in the world! I don’t tell them often enough. A web-broadcast of that idea should make up for some of that, right? (You know, it’s only boys that make me journal this much – they truly are my kryptonite.) So most of tonight has been blocking out thoughts, trying not to wonder what I haven’t talked to God in a long time. I haven’t strayed from my faith, per se, I just haven’t connected with it since… I’m not sure when. Before I left I keep telling myself this is my time to rebel a little, relax, find myself a bit outside of my faith. For so long I’ve defined myself in terms of faith and church and belief. It’s not exactly correct to say there’s more to me than that, because they truly are foundation (well, at least faith is). I need this chance to explore myself outside the protection of the church, out in the world. Can I hack it? I think so, but I need to find out. I’m still not going to do anything that would constitute much of a rebellion – some of that is far too ingrained to turn my back on. I won’t have sex, get drunk, intentionally hurt others, become a hateful person, break laws. And I will make my way back, hopefully stronger in faith and more solid and confident in my sense of self. There will be no more stressing about boys tonight. Either he wants to see me again or he doesn’t. It doesn’t determine my value. And worrying isn’t going to change his response one bit. I’ll take
I’ll try. Definitely going to be ill. Thankfully I’ve eaten, like, nothing today. (Might be contributing to the problem, actually.) Email sent, confessions made, and now I’m just waiting for him to run away scared. Against the advice of my friends and Maybe he’s too busy at work and won’t read it until tomorrow. Not that I want to retract anything I said, but I’m having a hard time coping with what’s next. If anyone has the name of a good psychiatrist, send me their contact info in comments. I may very well be ill. Right now. More startling self-revelations today (though perhaps not so startling for those around me). I have a really hard time opening up to people. I’m trying to respond to an email from I just realized that, while I had been giddy all morning with friends via email, I completely neglected to mention to my blog-reading public that I am deliriously happy today. Sent a quick “I had a good time” email to I’m still holding back, with Work is really slow, and Did I mention I feel like I’m 19 again? Let’s re-cap the great things in my life:
Today has been an exercise in self-control. I woke up at 11:30 to a phone call from Spent Friday afternoon at the State Fair with I slept in Saturday, tried to be lazy as I showered and dressed and got ready for the day, but I was really getting ready for a date with no real plans and no place either of us had to be later. I was nervous, anxious, tense. I was carrying my phone in my pocket, so when he called I answered on the first ring, silently berating myself for doing so. I’m going to see if I can keep this short. I finally kicked him out at 2:45 a.m. – amazing, since he picked me up at 2, almost 13 hours earlier. He kissed me goodnight, sweetly, and soon after journaling I lost consciousness in bed. He’s all I dreamt about – modifications on how the night could have gone, things that happen in the future, things I probably subconsciously wished had happened but I got in the way of myself. And then I spent all day Sunday stressing and obsessing and wondering and trying not to do all of it. I wanted to call people and talk, and I didn’t want to at the same time. I’m all confused and don’t know what I think or feel at all, where he’s at, what might happen next. My tummy feels all tingly-weird, like just before going on stage to speak or perform. He makes me feel good about myself and I’d like to see things work out. That’s a start. *I have to remind myself that close friends like Speaking of
I called up my salon to schedule an appointment with I don’t know what to do. She suggested another stylist in the same price range, and I said I’d have to think about it and call back. I mean, the original reason for going there was locale, and I was initially hesitant about a male stylist, so if I had never gone in the first place, I wouldn’t know what I was missing out on, right? So I should schedule an appointment. But my real motivation for getting one wasn’t the need for a cut (though it’s been four months), but the chance to see CRAP! Btw, there’s practically no one at work, so no one to share this with, hence the long, overly-dramatic rant. I couldn’t decide between these two, but was pretty freaked out when both described me to a T. You take the test and see for yourself.
Also, I just noted how the first picture’s entitled “black” and the second “white.” Strange that I picked opposites? I’ve been getting comments-spam today. I’ve already deleted 3 comments on an earlier post that were links to, let’s see, credit reports and mortgage loans and who knows what else. Rest assured, I will delete them as quickly as I find them, which basically means during business hours M-F. You might get lucky if you submit one Friday night, and people might look at it for two whole days before I have internet access again, but then you will be deleted. Understand? And know that my readers, particularly all the ones I know personally, are not stupid enough to click on any links like that in comments anyways, and so you might as well just give up now. We now return you to our regularly scheduled blog. I got to yell at a telemarketer twice yesterday – once before leaving for work and again last night. The chick in the morning was calling my cell for a Sarah with my same last name, and I had received two other calls from that same number over the weekend, one while checking out at Target (so I ignored / hung up), and one Saturday morning, which resulted in only a piercing beep in my ear and them hanging up. I clearly let her know she had the wrong number. Then last night, the house phone rang, and since it’s usually for me and I was the only one home, I half-rushed to answer it. But see I was in the middle of a home improvement project and it was quite difficult and annoying to get up to answer the phone. I wouldn’t have minded so much if it had been a friend or family, but it was someone asking me to take a survey for something. What, I’m not sure, because I cut her off to say loudly that we are on the DO NOT CALL list and promptly hung up on her. I did not enjoy getting up from my sawdust-covered floor and setting my project aside (which I didn’t end up finishing anyways) for something that… inconsequential. So, while enjoying four episodes of Stargate SG-1 (I love Sci-Fi Mondays!) that I barely remembered (and I think at least one or two I hadn’t seen at all), I finally went to work on changing the top drawer of one of my dressers into a flip-down (instead of being just attached to the drawer). I got out my little hobby saw that was bought specifically for this purpose, and worked hard at removing the front of the drawer. Seeing as how it was a bazillion degrees outside, I was doing this in my bedroom (I know, odd place for carpentry), and I hadn’t yet turned on the air conditioning, I had to stop several times to wipe the sweat dripping down my forehead, a fairly rewarding, if not gross, side-effect. Front removed, I went to work installing the magnets that will keep it shut, and then attempted to re-attach the front via hinges. That last part is where things went… wrong. I think all I need is a smallish piece of wood I can inlay inside the drawer, so I can attach the hinge to it instead of the bottom part of the drawer. Does that make sense? At any rate, the drawer is back in the dresser, sans front, and the cable box and VCR/DVD player are resting inside (though not terribly friendly, since the drawer really needs to be about 2 inches wider for them to both actually fit, so the DVD player is just out of commission at the moment). I might be able to get rid of the cable box, if I could figure out how to use the menu feature through my TV or VCR/DVD player. Something perhaps to look into, but the whole cable aspect confuses my electronics know-how. Tonight will be spent doing laundry. Maybe doing a little spray-painting in the backyard, but that remains to be seen. I’d really like to buy the drawer pulls I picked out at Menards, but I don’ts gots da cash, yo. (Yeah, I don’t really do a good ghetto-speak. Laugh all you want. I’m here to amuse.) |
             Strange Neighbors (Strange Neighbors, #1) by Ashlyn Chase  Compromised Hearts by Hannah Howell  Woman of a Thousand Secrets by Barbara Wood  A Bride for Tom by Ruth Ann Nordin  The No-Nonsense Guide to World History by Chris Brazier
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copyright © 2012 wonderment - all rights reserved |
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didn’t run away and actually understood where I was coming from in my almost-neurotic email yesterday. We’re still on for tonight, where there will be “talking” about said items. I am more than pleasantly surprised.
called. Got caught up with her a bit, scheduled some get-together time, and arrived at work to find not only both bosses not in yet, but also the co-worker across the aisle from me not in (apparently out sick).
and 
. Then 
Love you all!
. I haven’t changed or betrayed my beliefs. But I haven’t prayed or read my Bible or been careful about what movies/books/conversations I partake in. I’ve gotten lax in my language.
just left for a meeting. I’m listening to “Summer 2005″ to avoid hearing co-workers talk loudly in the cube near me. So annoying. It’s decreased my joy slightly. I’m also starving, which could be killing my buzz.
seal of approval). He’d make a really good friend, though I kinda want more (which is technically what dating is, I suppose).
and found out he no longer works there! Ack! One good haircut and that was it. Now what do I do? I didn’t just lose a crush, I lost a good hair stylist! Those are hard to come by! (And he was darn sexy, too!)
