I’m going to overreact briefly, and then all will be fine. (If you can’t do it on your own blog, where can you do it?

, bless her heart, just sent me an email that, were I not already stressed and pushed to the limit, would stress me out. As it is, since I really don’t have the emotional (or mental) capacity to really think about it / deal with it, I’m remaining attached. That being said…

She wrote:

As I’m getting ready to go to this librarian conference, all I keep seeing is the great need for librarians. Are you sure you don’t want to get an MLS, only 13 courses, and become a librarian? I looked at Hamline U’s web site and liked the program you are going into but 19 courses plus all the student contact time, man, that’s a lot of commitment. You could still work with adolescents, either in groups or as individuals.

Always another drum to beat!

I don’t need more options at this point! The application is in. I know it’s going to be a lot of work, that I’m probably starting behind where other people are, and I have no idea how student teaching will happen (maybe I’ll magically get married before then?). I also know she only wants me to be happy and wants her oldest daughter to have career success. She means well.

It was hard enough to get over the idea that both and , as well as ’s mom and ’s sister, are teachers. OK, hasn’t been a teacher for fifteen years, but she was. Now she is a librarian, and as much as I am turning into my mother, I really don’t need to pursue her career as well.

And to be totally honest, while I love books and organizing things (two great things to love to be a librarian, I assume), and love quiet, serene places, I don’t think it would get me out of bed in the morning. Teaching actually excites me. It makes this mundane job tolerable, knowing it will support me and is a means to an end. Teaching I can get passionate about.

As a side note, is a funny man today. He’s in a very good mood. Unusual for him, but fun nonetheless.

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Now, anyone who has ever helped me move may laugh out loud at this post, but give me a chance.

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Where did we get this predilection for “stuff”? What is this greedy, needy thing we all have? My friend Marye Gail Harrison has just finished reading a book called How To Want What You Have by Timothy Miller. Miller’s premise is that Americans have some kind of accumulation addiction and that everything we do is about getting more stuff. He believes we’re hardwired to always want more. I wonder how this happened to so many of us and I wonder why.
In my own life, I’m aware that my stuff holds me down. It keeps me aware that I have to earn a particular amount of money to support it all, that I’m unable to leave my present locale quickly or easily because my stuff’s all here, that I can’t just “get out of town” and disappear - someone would be looking for me wanting to know what to do with all this stuff.
Do I need this stuff? I doubt it. There’s stuff in the attic in boxes that’s a mystery to me, but I do know that I’ve lived here for a year without it. If I went and opened the boxes, I would probably find things that I felt I had to have, but I’ve done nicely without them for twelve months so who am I kidding?
Take a look around you. What do you see? How much of it is necessary? Why do you have it? Does it serve any purpose? How much “weight” does it create in your life?
More than that, I want you to think about the stuff you don’t have yet that you’re still yearning for. Is it really necessary? Can the money be used for something else instead? How about paying off the mortgage, feeding a hungry child, or saving the rainforests?
What would your life be like if you had less stuff? What would your stress level be like?
There are suddenly a lot of books on the market about simplifying our lives. This tells me that we are starting to feel quite burdened by all the stuff, but not sure what to do about it. Take a look at Simplify Your Life by Elaine St. James.
Go throw something out, and see if you can refrain from buying anything new for a week. I know, I know - it’s a major challenge.

-Taken from Undress Your Stress: 30 Curiously Fun Ways to Take Off Tension by Lois Levy, M.S.

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Now I realize that I own a lot of stuff. But I also know that I own a lot less now than I did four years ago. Let me back up a little before that.

I went to a college 30 minutes from my home, so while I moved into my freshman dorm with one carload of stuff, I moved out with almost three. Sophomore year I moved in with two carloads, and I don’t know how many it took me to move out. The summer after junior year I spent in San Francisco, working for a very cool missions organization doing urban ministry. I flew out with two (albeit very large) duffel bags. did mail me another box of clothes (because I’d brought too many clothes expecting “summer” and I really got a lukewarm spring), and I had a birthday while I was out there, so I got a few extra things, but I still flew home with… two duffel bags (and an armful of roses). During that summer, I got to thinking about all the stuff I had left behind, and how if I could live without it for three months, why couldn’t I live without it… altogether? I vowed to move back in to college with only one carload, and it worked.

But after I graduated, I moved to Michigan, got my own apartment, and started a life (or a reasonable facsimile thereof). A two-bedroom apartment all to myself, and I barely owned a thing. I gained some furniture when moved in with and she got new furniture, but that apartment really was sparse. So I went to work filling it up. I didn’t really feel like a successful adult with an empty apartment.

Eighteen months later, when I was ready to move to Minnesota, it quickly became apparent how much STUFF I owned. I had to rent a fairly big U-Haul to make the trek. After living in temporary housing for four months, I moved into a much smaller apartment (OK, maybe the same size, but now shared with two other girls), and so I got rid of two couches, a coffee table and some other stuff I can’t even remember. I have moved three times since then, and each time I’ve gotten rid of a little more stuff.

Some of it has been giving clothes I no longer wear to Goodwill, recycling papers that I kept for who knows what reason, or acknowledging shared living spaces and the fact that other people may own these things (that might be nicer than mine as well).

I still have more stuff than I need, I’ll readily admit. And yes, it does give me stress every once in a while. I’m not ready to give it all up, though the idea of being able to fit all my worldly possessions in my car is sometimes attractive. But, I am committed to continuing to rid myself of some of these things. Baby steps.

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Where to begin? Let’s try a bulleted version. Maybe it will keep me concise.

• Feeling less than perfect today, but should be running on all cylinders by Sunday.
• Horrible awful minute-taking job yesterday didn’t kill me.
• I am apparently VERY stressed out, though I can’t figure out why. My eye has been twitching since last week, mostly at work, but other times too. And yesterday, my period was about 14 hours late, which freaked me out, not because I thought I was pregnant (an angel hasn’t visited me, and since Immaculate Conception is the only way that’s going to happen right now…) but just ’cause it freaked me out to think I was that stressed out to be late when I’m on the pill. I didn’t even know that was possible.
• So I found some books that I owned on stress, and hope to be sharing some stuff here, either because it’s good or it’s funny, or both.
• There’s an overnight tomorrow for , which means no sleep for me. Sad.
• told me yesterday she showed her mom my blog while she was home for Easter. So, here’s a shout out to ’s mom - hello!
• Monday night I climbed up into my closet (12 foot ceilings means a whole chunk of storage that’s way over my head) and pulled out my Gevalia Backpack Set (though mine is brown with cream accessories, and was a free gift to sign up for their coffee delivery service). I also pulled down my French Press from on top of the kitchen cupboards and washed it. I had done some research at work to figure out the best way to make French press coffee, since it had been such a long time and I normally don’t make very good coffee (so sad, since I like to drink it so much).
• By Wednesday afternoon, I’d figured out how to make a good pot of coffee, and packed myself some in the thermos from my set and took it to work. This was around 3 pm. I took it to and never got around to drinking it. When I got home and unpacked it all, at 10:30 it was still hot. Not warm, not “tolerable for drinking” but hot. Amazing. 7+ hours. So I brought it today to work because I figured I couldn’t lose, if it’ll stay warm all through the workday.
• Just figured out that I’d forgotten to add in the correct header data for most of the web pages and PDF/Word documents I’ve added to our work website in the last year or so. That’ll be fun to fix. (It’s the info that shows up at the top of your Explorer /Mozilla /whatever bar that has the document title etc - it’s also what shows up in search engines as the document title, so… yeah.)
• I’m sure there’s more, but now I’m tired and have work to do.

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I found a new vacation spot. The Bay of Fundy. New Brunswick, Canada. It’s about a 30 hour drive from here, so I don’t think I’ll be going anytime soon. But pictures are beautiful. You go to the Hopewell Rocks and when tide is up you can kayak around them and when tide is out you can walk around. Very cool. You should Google it.

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More things to think about if you have no social skills.

If you think someone is “grumpy” or at least upset with you, do you think it is wise to say, “Gee, you’re grumpy today” ? Don’t you think that comments like that might cause shoes to be thrown in your direction, or worse?

Seriously.

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Note to others:

If you’re going to argue with me and attempt to correct me, please read the following. Don’t be a jerk about it. Don’t be smarmy, arrogant, or otherwise annoying. Have your facts straight. If you’re going to argue over interpretation (of a poorly worded email, for example), at least have the email text available. Realize that communication ultimately relies on the understanding of the receiver (though it is the sender’s job to attempt to make sure it is understood correctly), and as such is open to interpretation.

If you can’t follow the above, shut up.

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A co-worker (the only one I really ever talk about, who is often a jerk just because he has very few social skills and no tact, which he readily admits) just argued with me about the content of an email sent last week and what it means. Does he want to talk at the back of my head for the rest of the day? He really doesn’t know when to stop.

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1. I’m waiting:: for love
2. Speak:: freely
3. Roger…:: Wilco
4. Knock knock:: who’s there?
5. Hybrid:: cars
6. Can’t believe my eyes:: I
7. Hooked:: on Phonics
8. Pontificate:: supreme
9. Slime:: Nickelodeon
10. Unwelcome:: Alanis Morissette (I know it’s “Unwanted”, but it’s what came first)

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I have had a headache since noon. I took 2 Excedrin. Nothing. About an hour ago I took 2 Aleve (yeah, I know, the medical risks, blah blah blah). Nothing.

It’s not a constant throbbing pain or shooting pain. It comes and goes, but when it comes, it is sharp and shooting and throbs just a little bit (being the nature of “comes and goes”). It’s located on the right side of the back of my skull and goes diagonally.

Make it stop.

In other words…

I declared yesterday Spring Break. Nearly everyone I know is on Spring Break this week, and it seems unfair that I don’t get one. Yesterday I had the meeting from hell (as referenced in earlier posts today that is the part of my job I HATE) and it got over around 2:30 (even though it’s supposed to end at 2:00). I didn’t have church stuff yesterday (it being Spring Break and Holy Week), so I had the afternoon off. It was beautiful outside. I went around in a short sleeved shirt and no coat, and I was fine! came over and we went to WalMart (I know, the union issues, the poverty issues, whatever - it’s where she wanted to go and spend her money, not mine). We went back to my house and highlighted her hair, as I’ve done several times before. This time I did not do a spectacular job. I may have convinced her today to just do her whole head instead of this highlighting crap. (more on the hair in a minute for those who care)

We then watched some TV until it was no longer rush hour so she could drive home. I ate some cheese & crackers for dinner (since I’d had an entire box of Milk Duds while doing her hair) and then took a nap from 7-9pm. Got up, ate a lime popsicle, washed my face, flossed, and went to bed. All in all, not a bad Spring Break, though I didn’t even leave my zip code.

(btw, I’m eating room-temperature chocolate pudding from a snack pack right now, and I thought you should know. It’s not nearly as gross as I thought it would be.)

Now more on ’s hair, even though I know nobody really cares.

Her hair has gotten really ashy. I mean, she’s practically grey, except that she still look like a blond mostly (I think that’s the blond highlights we keep putting in). Her hair isn’t actually going grey - the texture is still the same, she’s just REALLY ashy. And she doesn’t like it, which is understandable. She wants warmer (but not red). Anyways, originally I had more to say on this, but I’ve lost it all, or realized it wasn’t very interesting.

I have to work tomorrow. I hate working on Good Friday. We’re also having our Easter dinner on Saturday, not Sunday. Um… Jesus is kinda still in the tomb on Saturday - not much to celebrate until Sunday morning. Oh well - it’s her in-laws, I’m just getting the free meal.

I’m so freaking broke right now, it’s not funny. At least I have a tank full of gas and don’t really need to buy anything except some apples for the pie I need to make for Easter. I may be eating dry cereal and stuffing and… anything else I find in my house. Goodness, I might have to eat salad. Scary thought. I’ve got a lot of that. And enchilada filling. And popsicles. Yeah, it’s interesting in my fridge.

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There’s this one relatively small part of my job that I HATE. (OK, there’s lots of parts of my job that I dislike, but this one in particular is awful.) My primary responsibility is to attend this monthly meeting that is federally-mandated and I have no input in but have to take notes for, as backup for the other person who takes notes. Yeah. Doesn’t that sound fun? In addition, this person who takes notes is my supervisor for this small part of my job, and she is a micro-manager. I have to prepare mailings for the members, make hotel reservations, etc, and she is just… obnoxious about checking up on it. For instance, once, about two years ago, I forgot to 3-hole punch the mailing, and occasionally she decides she needs to remind me that the mailings all need to be 3-hole punched.

Things have gotten particularly more annoying since we moved to our new building. We got a whole cubicle dedicated to this task, and it is right next to hers. This is where I keep the archives, the brochures, the publications, and other stuff that would fill up my 5×6 cube. Now, do you think that cube is used the way it should be? No. (Stick with me here.) Most days, someone (or several someones) store their coats there. And in that cube is where I keep all the inches of papers that need to be filed in the archives. But does she put them in the pile? No. Here’s what happens:

You can see where she sits and where I sit, and the big red X is the cube where things belong. She’s the blue line, where you can see that she walks all the way around to get to my cube to hand me something to be filed, usually a sheet of paper or two. Then I get up (I’m the green line) and walk back to the cube and place it in the pile where I’ll get to it later. This happens… several times a week. She also walks over to ask for something from the archives, so I have to walk her over to the cubicle and pull out the piece of paper she’s looking for.

We’re talking about a college-educated person, one with, in fact, a Master’s degree in something.

So besides the ridiculousness of this, I just detest going to these meetings, and have been trying to get out of this task basically since I took this job. We’ve handed off parts to other people, but I still have to do the big annoying pieces. It’s especially annoying to take minutes because SHE’S TAKING MINUTES TOO! If something needs to be recorded verbatim, she speaks up and asks for it to be repeated, rel-isted, whatever, and I’ve usually already gotten it recorded (because I’m typing at 100+ wpm and she’s writing on paper). It’s just… redundant and stupid.

Today she asked me if it would be possible for me to take minutes for ANOTHER GOVERNMENT GROUP that is not overseen by our department but the one who does oversee it has had staffing cuts so the person who normally takes notes no longer works there. And this is my responsibility how? I so don’t want to do this, and my actual boss who authorizes whether or not I can do a task (because they don’t want me to be overrun with work, especially work that’s outside of my realm of responsibility), she’s out this week, and so she’s going to be asked on Monday, but the meeting is next Tuesday.

I’m in hell.

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To: whoever broke into my car last night

First of all, broke in is relative. I keep the car unlocked. Don’t you think there might be a reason why? I don’t think the pennies and nickels you walked away from the car with were worth your time. You also missed the garage door opener (the address was on the insurance card you fiddled with), the cell phone charger (coulda made some money on ebay), 2 new windshield wipers (sealed, laying on the floor in the back seat), and a pen.

Better luck next time.

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There’s just something about walking into my cube on Monday mornings that makes me b*tchy. Seriously, it doesn’t matter if there’s no work to be done or twelve projects waiting. It doesn’t matter if co-workers immediately start talking to me or ignore me. It doesn’t matter if there are no emails or 30. It’s just not a good way to start the week, apparently.

This morning I had to stare at literally thousands of lines of names in Excel, cross-referencing them against our staff directory, in response to a news piece on Fox 9 that’s supposedly airing tonight. If you live in the Twin Cities area and can catch Fox 9, there should be a piece on state employees and mileage or something to that extent. I don’t really know what it is, except that my boss was checking the accuracy of their numbers. Nobody likes state employees.

My new Kenneth Cole denim jacket made me feel like a superstar all day yesterday. I wanted to tell everyone around me that it was Kenneth Cole, if they didn’t already know. Unfortunately, I did some shopping around, and I haven’t liked most of the rest of the KC stuff I’ve found. Interesting. said she got some Steve Madden shoes on sale that she was happy with. I like Steve Madden shoes, even if I’ve never owned a pair.

Somehow I spent too much money this weekend (big surprise) and am out of money. But I just got paid Friday. How does this happen? Apparently my mental math is worse than I thought. I gotta try to fix that.

Just waiting around for my acceptance letter to grad school.

Oh, over the weekend, had fun with and , cleaned my bedroom, cleaned out the fridge, finally put away all the Christmas decorations, and generally (with the help of ) made the house presentable for Sunday’s Mexican Feast (which is where a chunk of my money went, not on the Kenneth Cole jacket and you can’t make me return it!). Say Goodnight Gracie was fun - not spectacular, but it was a night out on the town and it was free. Can’t beat that.

Side note: Friday night I discovered where all the cute, presumably single guys were - they traveled in packs downtown St Paul. College hockey finals. Still - good eye candy, at least.

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1. Stink:: -y
2. Renewal:: urban
3. I remember…:: very little about my childhood
4. Loneliness:: is a four-letter word, but alone is not
5. Ooooh:: baby
6. For real:: man
7. Titanium:: pipes
8. Get down:: and groove
9. Rupture:: a spleen
10. Dramatic:: ending

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Jolly good, wot! Anyone for tennis? That’ll be ten ponies, guv. You’re the epitome of everything that is English. Yey Hoist that Union Jack!

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There was a dearth of quality (or even watch-able) television shows on last night. I actually turned the TV off. My room has never been cleaner. The desktop, that has had papers etc piled a foot deep since I moved in - it’s clear. Piles gone. OK, so there’s one small one (inch-thick) pile that just needs to be filed, and it moved into my closet (which is where the filing crates are), so I’m basically done. Rug cleaned. Clothes put away (and drawers reorganized). Only thing left is the very stinky kitty litter. It’s about a week overdue to be changed. Then the cats might need baths, since they stink too (or at least their paws do) and that grosses me out.

Next Crappy TV night? Maybe I’ll read a book. How about that?

I’m trying to get technical support for my iPaq via hp’s website. This should be interesting.

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Yes, I said it.

CBS is showing some basketball thing, so CSI and Without A Trace aren’t on. I’m so sad! There’s crap on, then, from 8 until… 10:30. Bite me.

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