So last night as I was shivering in my car talking to on the phone (because I don’t get service in my house yet, or even my neighborhood), she gave me a near-heart attack. “I went to your blog today. Where’d you get those pictures?”

Think. Think very hard. What is she talking about?

“Oh, those. Yeah, I just have a host that I buy server space from blah blah blah.”

Wait. Did she just say she was at my blog? My BLOG?

Completely blank. No thoughts.

(She’s still talking, I think we’re having an actual conversation but I don’t remember any of it.)

Think very hard. What is on the blog? What have I written about her? What have I written that she doesn’t know about? What have I written that I don’t want her to know about?

I’m a complete blank, but I’m sure this is VERY BAD.

Finally, we realize that she was at the blog. Huge sigh of relief. Had sent her the link on Tuesday and had already forgotten.

And I thought it was bad when that guy from high school found the blog!

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One of my volunteers at has always been very encouraging. He’s a great man and I’m sad that he chose not to continue volunteering this year. He’s getting closer to retirement (I think) and perhaps he just wants to spend more time with his wife and grown kids (are there grandkids on the way? perhaps).

At any rate, his encouragement has always taken a special form. I don’t lock my office at . The lock is tricky and testy and it’s just not worthy my time and effort. He’s taken advantage of this to leave me little notes every once in a while. Some examples:

and

.Sometimes they’re more lengthy:

and

My most favorite arrived just a few weeks ago.

Nothing special, right? But then, check out the back side:

That just made me smile.

What’s made you smile recently?

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So I have this co-worker who is completely devoid of social nuance. Fine, whatever. But he continually tells me how pale I am. Hello, I’m white! And a very pale white at that. Regardless of how I respond - if I ignore him, express my disgust with his observation, argue, or whatever - he never seems to get the idea that I don’t care for this behavior. Really, my skin color isn’t going to change - God made me white, and white I am. It’s not even that big of a deal here in Minnesota where everyone else is pale white too. How do I get him to shut up? Today, he told me I looked like a mime. I tried to not beat him unconscious.

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Has my life been boring lately, or what? came over on Friday night and we watched LOTR: Return of the King, so now I am finished! Fabulous, I must say. There were several differences between the books and the movies, and while I am OK with most of them, there were a few I didn’t approve of. I won’t get into it, because, really, why?

Well, time to leave work. I’ll try to post something vaguely interesting tomorrow, even if I have to make it up.

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Canada better get their act together. I am going through some serious withdrawal and/or just experience what I used to… without my medication. I don’t think I’ve gotten out of bed earlier than 9:30 in several days - weeks, actually, with Sundays being the exception, because God is cool like that. It would help if my boss would give me something to do like I asked him to, yesterday. There’s only so much theme-generating for my iPAQ and name graphic generating I can do without losing my mind.

Sequel needs something. The plant he lives with is getting too big to be in the bowl with him. And I’m not sure the lighting here is adequate for his needs. But especially the lack of space to swim in. What should I do about that? Kill the plant? I really don’t want to get a bigger bowl - our desks are small enough as it is, without a fish tank on my desk.

I’m bored.

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I had some quite interesting political revelations this past week. First I was reading the Children’s Defense Fund’s Legislative Scorecard and realized that all the people I would vote for were democrats. Then I was reading this month’s Real Simple and decided to evaluate the presidential candidates. I put little stars next to the things I agreed with, frowny faces near what was bad, and wrote BAD if it was really a horrible thing (an example? partial birth abortion). It was close, but Kerry came out ahead, with only two BADs (GWB had 3) and three more stars. I’m still undecided - I have to look closely at the BADs and frowny faces and stars and really evaluate each of their values. I’m really about 50-50 on the two of them (like much of the nation, I fear).

This shouldn’t really be all that surprising. Every political-party test I’ve ever taken has had me coming out in the middle. I like spending money the way the Democrats do, but with Republican morals (not values, morals).

Just thought I’d share.

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Again, in the Skyway today, I saw the Parrot man. This time, I had a very hard time controlling myself, stopping myself from not laughing out loud. Not helped by the fact that the parrot was talking about itself in third person. No kidding.

This has been a recurring problem, being able to stop myself from laughing out loud. We’re doing this new version of the Doxology in , and it’s just a little too jazzy for me. I mean, really, its not, because it’s a step in the right direction, but its all too funny.

Rockin’ out to: Martina McBride’s Greatest Hits

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Talked to and his wife () last night on the phone. Last time I talked to them she had just started radiation for the cancer, a treatment she hadn’t tried before since she also has Lupus. But one of the spots on her spinal cord had grown, so they needed to work on it. Well, after two weeks (5 times a week) of radiation, apparently the pain is gone, which the doctors are taking as a good sign. She has a bone scan every 3-4 months, so we’ll know in a month or two what the situation is, but the doctors sound optimistic. She didn’t have any major side-effects, so that’s good too.

Nothing else is going on. I get to leave at noon today, since my ride is picking me up at 12:3o from home to go to . From there I can pick up my borrowed car again, and be independent. Apparently there was nothing wrong with it. See how much I know about cars? Car doesn’t start - not a problem! Who knew?

Rockin’ out to: Noisy co-workers — get some respect, man!

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Well, really, they’re new posts, but they’re stuff I wrote a long time ago (just check the dates!). Here’s some fun back-reading for you….

My Dreams
These are interesting. Especially to look at more than ten years later.

What have I accomplished? I now own a TV. I can now clean my room and keep it fairly clean. Technically, I have more money than I did in 1992, but not more flex money, that’s for sure. My braces came off in 1995. I actually live in a big house, and it has a jacuzzi, and I learned how to spell jacuzzi. I can now sing a solo without being too afraid - I’ve done open mic and sang into a mic with friends present. I eat healthier than I used to, but still have eating issues. I learned to drive, ten years ago. I have gotten several cars since 1992 - four? five? it’s too easy to lose track. I did have a curfew, both at the end of high school and freshman year of college - don’t ask. I got several college scholarships. I do live near my friends. I went to prom, though without a date, I was asked by a guy. I have had a phone in my room, although not until I went to college. I am much braver than I used to be, though still very social-anxiety-esque and conflict-avoidant. I got a good job while in high school - I didn’t have to work food service and was paid more than minimum wage. I survived the first day of high school, obviously. Acne is no longer a major problem - prescription medications took care of that.

What do I still dream about? Being able to lace my shoelaces without having to double-knot them. I would still like a window seat - right now I have a chair next to a window, and that covers it pretty well. The perfect redecorating job will always be a dream. Honor roll (all A’s) will be a dream once I go back to school; I did get pretty close one semester in college. The perfect haircut - will always haunt me. I would still love to win a piano contest, though I rarely play anymore. I would still like to act on stage, though not in a school play. Getting married, being a mother, adopting kids, those are still dreams of mine. The scrap book has been “reduced” to a giant box kept in the front room, as well as the photo albums are still unorganized. If I’ve ever had a secret admirer, he’s remained secret - I’d like to have one that ends well sometime. A guy has never given me roses (save ), though I have gotten some beautiful non-rose floral arrangements. And wouldn’t we all like to have time for everything?

What makes me laugh at, looking at it now? Black patent leather hightops - um, no. The wall knocked down idea refers to a house no longer owns, so that’s a wash. Kissing a guy before I turned 16 really didn’t happen, and I’m OK with that - the first few (17, 18, 18) didn’t go so well anyways. I no longer long for the perfect body that guys lust for - let’s just be realistic. I will never win a track race. My friends and I will never be popular - at least, I won’t, it’s just who I am (or am not, depending on your view of things). Winning a science fair never happened - although I was told I came in fourth in 8th grade (they only award first through third, and it could have just been something a compassionate teacher told me). Big brown eyes - could I get more unrealistic? And I really don’t desire to be on TV - I’ve seen myself in home videos and that’s enough of me on the big screen.

My Dreams
More fun stuff. Being able to talk openly with my parents - for the most part, considering each of our personalities, we’re doing pretty good here. I have gone out on dates and fulfilled that dream. I now get enough sleep - prescription drugs again do wonders.

Undated
A wonderful prayer before a small group meeting that I used to lead while I was in high school.

Undated
Fun artwork from the past - can you tell I’m not very artistic?

Undated

Undated

Job
I struggled a lot when I came back from Arizona - jobless, soon-to-be-homeless, and really in a dark place.

Lunch Break
This is from when I was temp-ing. I can still remember the picnic table I sat on to take my lunch breaks. And I remember how fun it was crushing on .

Thirty
Two years later, this seems… funny and sad at the same time.

Sleepy
Aren’t I always?

I’ve got some old writings that I’m going to post to my other blog (the one that rarely gets updated), and I’ll put a link here to that, too.

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I went for an absolutely lovely walk last night. Since I was without a car and needed to pick up my dry cleaning and some food for dinner, it was the perfect opportunity. I brought my new cell along and even got a call (which was terribly exciting, even if it was “just” from ).

My neighborhood is wonderful! Just a few blocks from where I used to be, and it’s much the same, but different enough as well. There are many more trees, and it feels very residential, almost suburban (in that old-school-suburban kind of way, not the new cul-de-sacs and no trees and every house looks the same kind of way), but at the same time there is so much around that is convenient.

I saw houses that were brick, stone, sideboard, stucco, and all combinations of the above. They were gorgeous. There are so many squirrels in my neighborhood, as well. (really wanted to catch one this weekend while he was outside, but alas, he was on a leash.) It smelled wonderful, and everything looked beautiful. Leaves have started to fall, and as I walked down the sidewalk I crunched on yellow and brown elm leaves that had piled up. I wanted to skip down the street, but I controlled myself.

I walked behind two old me in conversation as they went to the cigar store. I walked past the F. Scott Fitzgerald house (who knew?). I walked past the restaurant, “La Cucaracha,” which actually has a mural of a cockroach on the side of the building. ( refuses to ever go to this restaurant on the basis that it is named The Cockroach, and I completely understand, although they’ve been around for a long time and are, from what I’ve heard, a very good restaurant.)

I picked up my dry cleaning, and called, so I forgot to stop by Ace, but I think I’ll go for another walk tonight, so I can stop there. On the way back, I stopped at Mississippi Market to get avocados, cheese and bread for dinner. (I had a fancy grilled cheese - with Havarti, avocado and sprouts on sourdough - inspired by the recent edition of Real Simple).

If you’re in my neighborhood and you’d like to enjoy a walk, you can try mine

but basically you can’t go wrong, regardless of which direction you turn (unless of course you manage to go far enough west and north that you hit the best place to buy crack in the Twin Cities, which is really only three or four blocks west and two or three north).

Then later that evening I cleaned up the front room (where I’d been storing all my unpacked boxes) and talked with about painting (very excited, may end up painting the whole place, because, really….) and convinced her to get rid of the rug in the front room because it’s hideous and disgustingly dirty. Very exciting. Wonder how much I can get done before gets here next month?

Rockin’ out to: “Heaven Help Us All” by Ray Charles & Gladys Knight, on Genius Loves Company

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I had my grandmother’s ring re-sized again, and I picked it up yesterday. gave me this ring after my parents got divorced, because it belonged to ’s mom, and she didn’t want it anymore. Originally, I had it sized smaller so it would fit on my pinky. A while ago, it stopped fitting, so I had it sized larger last week so it would again fit on my pinky (apparently I went from a size 5 to a size 6 on my pinky, and also my left hand ring sizes are slightly smaller than my right. Interesting).

’s mom died a month before I was born, so I never met her. It’s her high school class ring, dated 1932 (which you can’t tell from the pictures). The crest in the middle says CHS, which I’m assuming stands for Central High School, since it was way out in the middle of nowhere farm country. Here’s some pictures of it:

I’m wearing it on my left hand, along with my other ring that I never remove.

Wow, that picture makes my hand look fat! I do have big hands, but, well, that’s just not a flattering picture, for sure.

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In the cleaning/moving/packing/unpacking/more cleaning process, I’ve come across a bunch of old writing stuff - journaling, poetry, the beginnings of short stories. I’m going to start posting it tomorrow - should be fun. I even have some artwork (not good artwork, mind you, but art nonetheless).

Have a good evening!

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Checked my bank account today and actually had money in there, so I treated myself to lunch instead of having the egg salad sandwich I made on Friday and didn’t eat then either. Here’s today’s fortune:

This, of course, is completely perfect for today. Friday, a man I knew from a work-related organization died (or at least I found out on Friday), and he was a very nice guy and much too young. Then this morning it was reported that Christopher Reeve has passed away. Plus, after reading the local paper, it appears that many, many people have died this weekend. That includes 3 brothers (ages 16, 18, and 20) in a car crash, and a 2 year old girl in a canoing accident.

What does one do with that?

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A few weeks ago while we were moving into our new offices here, I went out and got Chinese for lunch. This is what my fortune cookie said:

Now, really. The day I got that there were about five of us here, and I was the one doing a whole big chunk of the work. It was kind of a slap in the face. Really, what it should say is, Productive people have more time to do everyone else’s work. That’s what happens here, at least. Or, Productive people have time to work on tasks for their other jobs. That’s true, too.

At any rate, I haven’t had Chinese food since. And our fortunes from the Thai place weren’t even worth repeating.

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I think that, as far as is concerned, I try to be reasonable and flexible - it’s the nature of the game, after all. So, at this week’s CE (Christian Education) Committee meeting, I agreed to teach all of the senior high in Sunday School, since the other teacher is unavailable and our CE Director ()had not yet found a substitute. Our junior high teacher is also going to be out of town, so I thought that I was alleviating some of the pressure to find substitute teachers on this short notice (although both teachers had given more than several weeks notice, but whatever).

Just in the last half hour (note that it’s 4:15 on a Friday afternoon), I got an email (not a call) telling me (not asking me) to prepare to teach both junior and senior high, since said CE Director () had apparently been unfruitful so far. Actually, what she said was that she made some phone calls and no one has called her back. Um…. Yeah.

From my experience, now that I’m remembering it, junior and senior high together for Sunday School does NOT GO WELL. One Sunday in college I was having a professor watch evaluate my internship, and I was faced with this same situation (although I was notified upon arrival at church, not two days before), and it went horribly. It was a good thing the visit was not for credit, because I failed it. My professor commiserated with me, as well, so it wasn’t me. I do great teaching junior high. And I do great teaching senior high. But together? No.

Also, the class I’ve been teaching has had between 1 and 4 students in it. The other senior high class has eight at capacity (because they meet at Einstein Brothers Bagels, and it’s cool there, but also size limitations). The junior high class has 15. Fifteen! Now we’re talking 24-25 kids! 12-18. 6th-12th grades. Nightmare, anyone?

But I can’t say no. Do I make phone calls myself? Do I just suck it up? Did I mention that my lesson is WAY over the heads of junior highers? Our Bumper Sticker Christianity lesson is on “Sow the seeds of peace and justice,” with a focus on justice, since last week we talked about peace. Or, I could skip that lesson and do the next one (because I missed a week of this series), which is “Arms are for Hugging” which is really about non-violence, not nuclear disarmament. But still. Neither will fly well.

Did I mention that yesterday morning there was a pheasant in our back yard? That’s right, a pheasant! I live in a very urban neighborhood! It’s crazy!!

Rockin’ out to: “Worn Me Down” by Rachel Yamagata

Wisdom Source: Clearly not people I work with

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