I read this interesting article today on ChristianityToday.com. It’s a columnist that I like to read frequently (wish she published more than once every other week), and frequently I find that she’s written things that I would have said or thought.
(The highlights are the parts I found most interesting or agreed most with)
Independence Daze [article removed]
Camerin is right in many ways in this article, especially when she notes that getting married later in life results in women being more independent. I’ve been “on my own” for the last 4 years (and one month and 14 days, thank you), and I’ve become quite used to doing things for myself. When I lived in Michigan, there was no one else to do certain things for me, since I had very few friends, and most of them were older or people I wouldn’t call for whatever it was I needed. (There was one time when I was asked out on a date by the tenant above me, and I called MR to let him know in case I wasn’t in church the next day and ended up dead somewhere; and there was WM, who replaced the computer in my car so that it would run again.)
But, suffice it to say, no one held the door open for me so I could get all the groceries in. I did my own shopping (and carrying), put together furniture (granted, the cheap Wal-Mart or Target kind, but still), fixed my own computer, kept 2 cats alive and clean, and called the maintenance guy for the building when the pipe in my ceiling broke.
And Minnesota was no different, for even though for all of my stay here I’ve had roommates (or housemates), with the exception of , most of them have been fairly removed from my life. When I moved into Asbury house, borrowed a truck and helped me with one load, but then I moved the rest of my stuff until 4 am, all by myself. And in my current apartment, I’ve installed shelving (got to buy a electric screwdriver for that), replaced the light switches with white toggles instead of yellowed ones, and even added a dimmer switch. has replaced two shower heads, all by herself.
It’s not like we don’t WANT guys around, because, let’s face it, both and I would enjoy their company every once in a while. (And probably would appreciate not having to call her brother to help her install her air conditioner next time.) But, we don’t NEED them to do silly little things. If they were around, they would have done all of those things, and I wouldn’t be any less happy than I am right now (although my feeling of satisfaction when I use the dimmer switch would be significantly different). However, in their absence, somebody has to do all that stuff. And that somebody is me.
And the author is right when she says that often, when refusing an offer of help, it’s more out of habit than anything. You do get used to doing it yourself. I have. Two arms full of groceries up to the third floor, two cats in the doorway struggling to get out… I can handle it on my own (though a cat may escape from time to time).
So if men need to be needed… what am I supposed to do about that? I don’t know very many at any rate, especially single ones that would like to be needed by an attractive available mid-twenties girl. at least knows a few. And she asks them for help from time to time.
If men need to be needed, what do women need? Shouldn’t I be able to answer that, being a woman myself?
I do know that the whole being independent thing is a great feeling. I like knowing that I can take care of myself. has said the same thing. She went from her parents’ house to the dorms to married life, and now having been single for the past seven years, she’s done a lot of things she didn’t know she could do. Like buy a house, fix plumbing, buy a car, etc. She is much more secure in who she is now than she ever was before.
I think it would be a better situation if men needed to be wanted. I want a guy to open the door for me, carry heavy things, fix minor household problems. Do I need one, no, but I’d sure like it. Does that work for the guys out there? Is it enough that you’re wanted? Cause in this day and age, I really don’t think you’ll be too happy with a woman who actually needs you, to balance the checkbook, drive the car, mow the lawn, etc. Don’t we equally share tasks these days? I don’t need to do the dishes, I can share, if you’ll let me mow the lawn every once in a while (which, by the way, is a bad example, because I hate mowing the lawn).
I would like to hear what you all think about this…. Really. Camerin would too.
Rockin’ out to: Caedmon’s Call
Wisdom Source: The last chapter of The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
Today’s Wisdom: Proverbs 31:10-31
“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life.
She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship; she brings her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She watches for bargains; her lights burn late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.
She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.
She has no fear of winter for her household because all of them have warm clothes. She quilts her own bedspreads. She dresses like royalty in gowns of finest cloth.
Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders.
She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness.
Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: ‘There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!’
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.”