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Progress

So, some background before I go into this… & I got this book in the winter called Buy Book, Get Guy. And while it wasn’t a revolutionary book at all, nor did either of us get a guy afterwards (we weren’t expecting miracles), it was a decent read for the used book price I got it for. There was this one vital piece of information that we have since discussed at length over the past… 9 months. It’s this simple idea of making eye contact and smiling. At a guy. At the same time. I seem… incapable of doing it. I can make eye contact. Or I can smile. But not both at the same time. So, I can either be Strange Girl Who Stares, or Weird Girl Smiling To Herself. But I cannot be Cute Girl Interested In Hot Boy. This, I seen to be incapable of.

But, today, I did it! Maybe its the new drugs I’m on, ’cause I am feeling pretty good today. I’m walking to the bus stop (btw, caught the 8:46, could have caught the 8:35 but I thought it was the 8:31 so I didn’t rush, very proud of myself for getting up at 7:30 today; also have gone running 3 times this week! Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday! My therapist will be so proud of me!) and I walk past this park/playground, and there was this cute boy on one of those big industrial lawn mowers, and he was coming down the sidewalk towards me, so I hopped into the street, not desiring to become lawnmower food. He smiled at me as I passed, and I kinda looked, then looked away and smiled. But later, while I was waiting at the bus stop, he came driving down the street on his lawnmower, and as he passed me, he smiled and I looked at him and smiled. And as he continued down the road away from me, he kept looking back (arguably to remove the tree branch attached to the back of his lawnmower), I kept glancing at him and smiling. It was a lot of fun for me. So, yay me! Progress in my life!

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Trying to not be freaked out, but, let’s be honest, I am. I had another appointment with my therapist, and we talked about getting put on meds, and he really seems to want me on them sooner rather than later. So I did the responsible thing today and called my gp to schedule an appointment. I just assumed, I guess, that I wouldn’t be able to get an appointment in the 24 hours until I leave for the big Chicago trip. But there were, like, 3 appointments all in the afternoon when I’m not at work. So I have an appointment at 2:20. A little freaked out now. I shouldn’t be, right? I mean, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. There have been times when I’ve felt like this was the only option, that I’d exhausted all the rest of my resources. So what’s the big deal? But yeah, it’s a big deal.

Mucho thanks to my friends who have been great help giving suggestions on how to further get to know Mr Wonderful from the other weekend. The consensus was that I could email him as a sort of thanks and let him take it from there. Avoid stalking (note – do NOT show up on Sunday morning at his church, even though he told you which one it was) at all costs! I walk a fine line.