So, some background before I go into this… & I got this book in the winter called Buy Book, Get Guy. And while it wasn’t a revolutionary book at all, nor did either of us get a guy afterwards (we weren’t expecting miracles), it was a decent read for the used book price I got it for. There was this one vital piece of information that we have since discussed at length over the past… 9 months. It’s this simple idea of making eye contact and smiling. At a guy. At the same time. I seem… incapable of doing it. I can make eye contact. Or I can smile. But not both at the same time. So, I can either be Strange Girl Who Stares, or Weird Girl Smiling To Herself. But I cannot be Cute Girl Interested In Hot Boy. This, I seen to be incapable of.

But, today, I did it! Maybe its the new drugs I’m on, ’cause I am feeling pretty good today. I’m walking to the bus stop (btw, caught the 8:46, could have caught the 8:35 but I thought it was the 8:31 so I didn’t rush, very proud of myself for getting up at 7:30 today; also have gone running 3 times this week! Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday! My therapist will be so proud of me!) and I walk past this park/playground, and there was this cute boy on one of those big industrial lawn mowers, and he was coming down the sidewalk towards me, so I hopped into the street, not desiring to become lawnmower food. He smiled at me as I passed, and I kinda looked, then looked away and smiled. But later, while I was waiting at the bus stop, he came driving down the street on his lawnmower, and as he passed me, he smiled and I looked at him and smiled. And as he continued down the road away from me, he kept looking back (arguably to remove the tree branch attached to the back of his lawnmower), I kept glancing at him and smiling. It was a lot of fun for me. So, yay me! Progress in my life!

popularity: 9%

Bought a bunch of new CDs this weekend (finally not broke). They’re all pretty good. Notably: Kelly Clarkson’s Thankful (yeah, a little trendy, but “Miss Independent” is just a rockin’ song), Jill Paquette, and By The Tree.

popularity: 10%

Trying to not be freaked out, but, let’s be honest, I am. I had another appointment with my therapist, and we talked about getting put on meds, and he really seems to want me on them sooner rather than later. So I did the responsible thing today and called my gp to schedule an appointment. I just assumed, I guess, that I wouldn’t be able to get an appointment in the 24 hours until I leave for the big Chicago trip. But there were, like, 3 appointments all in the afternoon when I’m not at work. So I have an appointment at 2:20. A little freaked out now. I shouldn’t be, right? I mean, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. There have been times when I’ve felt like this was the only option, that I’d exhausted all the rest of my resources. So what’s the big deal? But yeah, it’s a big deal.

Mucho thanks to my friends who have been great help giving suggestions on how to further get to know Mr Wonderful from the other weekend. The consensus was that I could email him as a sort of thanks and let him take it from there. Avoid stalking (note - do NOT show up on Sunday morning at his church, even though he told you which one it was) at all costs! I walk a fine line.

popularity: 10%

Well, where to begin? So much….

First of all, met a most wonderful guy on Saturday. Unfortunately, I was working for and so it was really inappropriate to pursue anything. I learned an awful lot about him through some conversations (sufficient information to do some internet stalking for a while, learn his last name, etc), enough to know that I’d really like to get to know him better. But, alas, no current method to do so. Sent email to friends asking for advice. We’ll see. He really was just… yummy. Gorgeous and muscle-y and lead a great devotional on urban ministry and, yeah, other than him being 5 years younger than me (and that makes him pretty young)….

Camping was good, although there were some times when & & myself almost killed each other. But we survived, as will our friendships. is gone now for the long weekend and won’t be back until Sunday - more sucky family stuff going on for her, I feel bad that she’s gotta spend a bunch of time with them. The falls at Gooseberry were awesome, and we walked across them and in them and around them and took tons of pics that I’ll try to post somewhere soon when I get them developed. Saw Split Rock Lighthouse from a distance, and that was beautiful too. Spent a little bit of time in Duluth, which was much better than I ever thought it was (used to make fun of it, having never been there, calling it dull-uth). Will definitely have to go back on my own or with or someone who can do some good window shopping / browsing.

& myself decided to move and get an apartment together, so now begins the great search. Had a nice long talk with and last night (it was his birthday on Monday). She’s gotten into some strange new-age (although actually ancient Asian practice) healing tai-chi like thing, and is hopeful that it will cure the cancer. What does one say to that?

is mad at me and has done some stupid things so that I’m real frustrated with her as well. I know she’s busy planning a wedding (2 and a half weeks) and painting their entire house, but the rest of us have lives too. I called up one of her bridesmaids to plan the bachelorette party and she talked with and they picked the day after I leave for Chicago on the mission trip, a trip I’ve had planned for months and she’s known about for months. So they’re going to have it without me. That’s just rude. And she was ticked with me on Saturday night, presumably because she had to leave her house in the middle of painting for a ten minute drive to Elk River (a 35 minute drive for us) to meet us and drop off the tent, which she was supposed to have dropped off any time during the week (only a 10 minute drive from where she works). NOT MY FAULT!!! I’M SORRY YOU WERE STUPID! You know, the world does not revolve around her, even if she is the bride. I am not in the wrong here. The world doesn’t revolve around me, either, but I would like some recognition of my existence and importance. Lots has gone on in my life and she doesn’t even care. Did she ask me how my interview went (very well, mind you - could be a career move in my future)? No. Am I going to call her and tell her about camping or that I’m moving apartments or … anything? No, because she has made it clear that she doesn’t care and doesn’t have the time to deal with people other than her fiance or issues other than the house or the wedding. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

popularity: 10%