Well, the doctor’s stuff turned out… OK. I’m trying to be positive (well, I don’t really have to try that hard - maybe I just haven’t really thought about it that seriously). It’s not terminal or fatal, and it won’t really affect my day to day life very much at all. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It could be worse. I could be dying. I could have to have surgery. As it is, all I have to do is take a pill every day. That’s not that bad. I think I freaked the doctor out a little bit, because I didn’t have any questions and I didn’t seem too worried. It’s just that, well, I’ve always thought that I would adopt my kids and that I wouldn’t be able to give birth to them, and I’ve always wanted boy children (who are just carriers of this genetic disease). said she always thought she would adopt too, but she didn’t.

I’ve got my Music from the Coffee Lands CD in - they’re singing in Spanish. This is what it sounds like to me:

el mismo cabon la forsfa /

mumuman’ /

el muna foralan porlna /

el pornas le preguntas /

soy entraboynadertandato /

estas la minongas cha cha cha /

I don’t think that’s what they’re saying. Still, it’s a good CD. I just don’t think I’m ever going to get Spanish. That could be a big hindrance to moving to Panama.

popularity: 9%

Another boring day. gave me a task, a small brochure to prepare, but it was done within an hour, and now I’m back to nothingness. came in with someone else and asked me to print something for them - specifically a 758 page document, and then make a photocopy of it so there were two copies, one for each of them. Somewhere, trees died and the earth cried a great wail at the … waste. Last night the kids were… memorable. Junior high resulted in a conversation that was meant to get their input on summer youth group but ended up just being 1) a criticism of how things are done now [i.e. boring and we need more games, always more games, and food too] and 2) a list of activities they want to do [i.e. ValleyFair and the zoo and overnights and lock-ins and retreats and the list goes on but my free time does not and when do they expect these things to happen and what in the world do they have to do with Jesus?] The senior high were slightly unhinged, as usual, but playing outside to burn off steam only made it worse and their comments to each other were out of line and voluminous. So we came inside and made everyone go around and give one compliment to each person. It ended up really good and taking way more time than we had, but a practical lesson on what the early church was like, instead of the lesson I had planned, which was more studious. And on a personal note, it was nice to hear how others see me in a positive light and, especially from the kids, the good things that they like. K and I went out for a drink afterwards - we’d been planning on doing that for, months, and could never get the date right. Quite enjoyable, although the Wild were playing (or should I say losing) and the TVs were turned up way too loud and our waitress was frustrated with us because we only ordered one drink apiece (hello, I’d like to actually be able to drive my car home). But conversation was enjoyable. And I had all these good thoughts last night and now they’re gone again. Driving in my car I always get good stuff to write, songs, essays, whatever, but they always leave my head the moment I get out of the car. Maybe I should move into my car. Or not.

popularity: 9%

What a boring day today. Yesterday too. I’ve had no work. And today I was supposed to have a 10:30 meeting that would have produced work for me to do, but, alas, one of the members stepped out for another meeting and hasn’t returned. An hour and a half later, still not here. So I’ve been doing other stuff, like producing brochures for , and reading the news in Panama. Got my application off, finally completed at 5:00 yesterday. Rainy today - all grey and stuff. But I finally got paid from the piano lessons, so my bank account no longer has a negative balance. That’s good. I am desperately in need of something to do (something that isn’t filing - I have some of that to do).

popularity: 9%

I straightened my hair last night. Not because I really wanted it straight, but simply because I didn’t want to have to wash it the rest of the week. For anyone reading this who has curly hair, perhaps you share this with me - my scalp hurts today. It hurts every day that I have straight hair. I don’t know why, but it does. It doesn’t hurt at all why I leave my hair natural, or if I curl it with a curling iron, or if I hide it under a hat. It’s just the straight that hurts. How can that be? I don’t do anything to my scalp, it’s just the dead hair that is attached to it that I’ve temporarily altered. It makes no sense.

My Panama application is due today. Yesterday I finished questions 1-16 (numbers one through 11 were of the “what is your name?” nature). There are a total of 35 questions. I’m never going to get it finished. And my videotape won’t be there in time, either, since it’s not edited at all and I have no money with which to mail it off until Friday. Hopefully they’ll understand. I really think the timing of it all is, well, wrong, but everything else about it seems good. Who knows. I’ll just wait and do what I can. If I don’t apply, I know I’ll regret it.

Doctor’s appointment got bumped to Friday. The agony! The anxiety! I am so impatient.

popularity: 9%

Update about our trip to the Birchwood Cafe. It was gross. Icky. Even desert (Chocolate Mousse pie and Key Lime pie). No sugar in our coffee or pie whatsoever. And dinner was… interesting. Full of ingredients I’m sure I’ll never eat again and never have. liked it though; she finished some of my food. Good for her. There just weren’t enough options so I had to choose something I was less than thrilled about in the first place. Bad sign. Oh well. They want to go out for Ethiopian. But I’m broke. Until payday. Next Friday. That was poor planning.

popularity: 8%

I no longer want to harm any of my roommates. Or their relatives or friends who call. Because, well, quite frankly, there are more important things in this world, and I’m tired. My labs came back - the nurse called and so I had to return the call when I got home from work yesterday. I spent easily five minutes being transferred around until they found the right nurse and then waited for her to come on the phone. She said my labs came back and they were, quote, WEIRD. Thanks so much for clearing that up. What does it mean? Oh, no need to get freaked out, we’re just going to send you to a specialist and let me transfer you to the receptionist right now to set that up. Great. Thanks so much for making it easy. But wait. That’s right. My appointment is in a week and I DON’T KNOW WHAT MY TEST RESULTS ACTUALLY WERE. Am I dying? I everything OK? (Obviously not) Am I broken? More importantly, am I fixable? Who is this yahoo that they’re sending me to? I went to the HealthPartners‘ website to look him up and his bio said that he reads medical journals and likes to inform his patients of new things that are going on in the field. Yippee. I’m glad my doctor can read and might actually try to help me. That is not the kind of information I was looking for. His picture came up as a big box with a little red X in it. Thanks. So now I have to wait a week to see a doctor about whom I know nothing other than that he’s literate and I know nothing about why I’m even going there, other than my labs came back WEIRD. Pardon me if I’m a little high-strung about this. I am glad that I am a permanent employee now and don’t have to worry about health care costs for at least a while. That’s the only bright spot right now. And I have to call (with whom I’ve been struggling to actually communicate with due to the fact that all I do lately is listen) tonight and try to get a word in edgewise and tell her what’s going on (or at least the fact that something is going on but nobody knows what yet. Well, the nurse does. So does the doctor probably. But not me. The important one. Envision the world revolving around me right now.).

popularity: 9%

The doctor’s office called today - they got the results from my labs run last Friday. The nurse didn’t actually tell me what they were, just that they were weird. So they’re sending me to the endocrinologist. The 15th. I don’t want to wait that long. The nurse told me not to worry and that it all made sense (with me not getting my period), but still I’m anxious. I know I’ve said for a long time that it would be OK if I couldn’t give birth to kids. But, that was all theory. Granted, the reason why I went to the doctor was to try to “fix” things if possible while I’m still young and single. If I can’t get pregnant, I’d like to know that before getting married - that’s an important piece of the picture. I’m still scared. Maybe this’ll all be related with the depression? One can only hope to clear it all up in one fell swoop. I’m just nervous and worried, especially that I’m not really prepared for this.

popularity: 9%

So now I feel bad about being mean to the person on the phone yesterday. Somebody really was dead. A housemate’s stepmom. Long-term terminal, but still.

popularity: 9%

Can we talk about what should happen to people who call at 4:30 in the morning? This sort of thing should be outlawed. Three times, mind you, the phone rang. I had just gotten to sleep, after being lazy yesterday, skipping work, and sleeping in until noon. So logically I couldn’t fall asleep last night (thereby ruining all benefits of the previous day’s sleep and time off). Finally around 4:15 I drifted off into blissful sleep, only to be woken up by the phone ringing! First they left a message. So I fell right back to sleep. But then, ten minutes later, they called back again. Let the answering machine pick it up, but no, they hung up and CALLED RIGHT BACK!!! So I answered with a “What?!?” as rudely as possible, only to have it be a sibling of a roommate who was looking for them. Like I cared. All I have to say is, there better be somebody in the hospital or some similar sort of emergency that would warrant three 4:30 phone calls.

popularity: 8%

What a long day. Spent the better half the afternoon surfing the web (nothing at work to do) and exploring all the blog possibilities and setting up some new blogs, trying to find a space that I could throw some pdfs out there to link up and share (no luck). But then I had some work to do, updating some web links. Only I lost all brain function completely and ended up doing half of them wrong, only to figure it out later and have to re-do them. I hate that. Talked to . ’s out of town this weekend, so we might go to the Birchwood Cafe. We have plans to go to the May Day parade on Sunday, and have a little band practice too. I have mega cleaning and laundry to do this weekend too, as well as it’s my first weekend off without major working to be done, so sleep is in order. Maybe I’ll skip off work early. (maybe? of course I will)

popularity: 10%

This is how my morning started. Alarm clock. 6 am. Snooze button. 7 am. Now there’s a cat who wants to be pet and she curls up with me, moves quickly thereafter to nap on my foot. Get up, shower, get ready, leave house. While walking to the bus I realize that I’ve forgotten the all-important sheet from the doctor with the lab tests to be run.

So I walk back (making me miss the 8:10 bus that I was going to be so proud I got on, since I usually get the 9:01), grab the sheet, and start out again. It’s beautiful outside, the sun is shining, I’m wearing my sunglasses (and an outfit that I think is pretty darn cute), life is good. I make the 8:20 with mucho time to spare. I start reading a new book, Just Jesus, but all I really got read was the forward and a few pages. Then I walk from the bus to the clinic across the Wabasha bridge (not wearing sunglasses, it’s so beautiful out, who wants to add some grey for the sake of avoiding crows feet later?). It’s a long walk (OK, 15 minutes). The lab gets me right in and out (well, all they had to do was draw blood, so how hard was that?). Walk back across the bridge. Take the Kellogg street path through the riverside park at Cedar and Minnesota. Smell the lilac trees (or whatever they are, they smelled beautiful and remind me of my childhood - our neighbors always had the purple ones hanging over their fence into our backyard, and then on the walk to school somebody else had the white and red ones that hung over the sidewalk. Maybe those were two different types of trees. Who cares? They smell like spring and childhood and innocence and a time long gone.) which just refreshed me and put me in a good mood. Stopped for coffee and a muffin before going into work (update: two hours later, coffee gone, muffin untouched). A great way to start, right?

is even gone today, taking a vacation day. Yippie. Not that he’s a bad man or that I dislike him. He actually gave me high praise this week and did my performance review and was very gracious and I got a raise and put on permanent status. But it’s still more fun without him here. But the work I have to do today? I just spent an hour and a half basically saving a file to multiple locations on the web. Different versions of the file. Like 50 different versions. BORING. That’s what I did yesterday too. Oh, it’s not like the days that I spent going through the meeting minutes looking for double spaces instead of single spaces between words because they leave funny characters when published to the web. But just mind-numbingly boring. Way to kill all the life that I experienced already today. I read Lileks blog today (spent a lot of time reading my new discovery yesterday too). Dilbert not funny.