I’m having the hardest time staying awake. I was on the phone with until 10:30 and then spent too long on the internet after my landlord tried to get my mattress up the stairs again (no luck). It was really good to talk to – it’d been a really long time! We talked about our boys – things with her seem to be getting more serious, at least from his standpoint.

popularity: 11%

I’m going to be 30 by the time I get married. I came to that conclusion today. I know its six years away, but lets think about this logically. If its someone I already know (the only option being ) we’re talking around six years. He’s going to graduate school next year and if I go to G-C that will take me 4ish but I won’t be going for 2 years. And if its not someone I already know, then there’s a considerable amount of time needed to get to know each other, plus the *small* fact of needing to actually meet that person which could take years.

30. I will be 10 years older than when she got married. And 7-8 older than . And we’ll have to live to be at least 80 to see a 50th wedding anniversary. And I’ll be old when I’m having kids. And old when I get married. And that means six more years of dealing with relatives asking stupid questions and wondering in the back of their minds if I’m a lesbian. And six more years of… being single and part of that dwindling club.

On the bright side, it gives me six years to get my life more in order (financially, for example) and six more years to devote more fully to ministry. I can’t complain about that. But six years of apartment living? Of going to other people’s weddings? And people setting me up (or should I say trying to) with their nephew, brother, grandson…. Ugh!

popularity: 19%

I’m outside again (lunch break) – it’s been a while, both since really writing and being outside. I’ve missed both. It’s cold, but not unbearably so, and I’ve got chili to eat and warm me up.

This is going to sound silly, but I’d forgotten how fun it is to have a crush. It’s been a long time since it was fun last. ceased being fun ages ago, and was never that exhilarating fun because it was against the rules and a serious complication to life. Since being back from Arizona, I’d given up my crush (out of sight, out of mind, I guess) and though it was only a few weeks, it was nice and strange. Since he emailed me last Friday inviting me to a concert though, the crush has been back and this time it’s fun. Everyone’s supportive of it and there’s still all this new stuff to tell people, unlike where everyone groans when I mention his name even if its to say he’s no longer a part of my life – it got tedious. This is … lightweight and carefree and relaxing and puts a smile on my face, gives me a reason to sing along with love songs on the radio.

popularity: 11%