To My Husband,

Since you know me so well, you’ll probably laugh at this. Right now I’m at home (it’s Spring Break, the last one I’ll ever have!) watching “Taxi” because its the only thing on TV this late. At any rate, I’ve been thinking about this letter ever since I was driving home from youth group tonight. I wish I’d thought of it earlier. Oh well. You know, this isn’t sounding like the letter I was planning to write. Maybe a new paragraph.

If I remembered, this is our wedding night, or around then. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life. You’ve been around for a lot of them, I’m sure. I don’t have a lot to bring into this marriage, and what little I have is by the grace of God. The present I give to you is only because He did it - He has saved me for you and you alone. Along with my love that I have pledged to you alone and in front of our families, friends, and God, I give you myself, as pure and holy as possible. In July 1994 I promised to not have sex until I was married. Today, I promise to you and God that I will never sleep with anyone but you, and not until our marriage night. I promise to keep myself holy and my hands and lips to myself, my thoughts pure, my heart committed.

I love you, even this day as I write this. I do not know whether or not I have met you. God in His perfect timing has not yet revealed your identity to me. I know this means that I am not ready for you yet. This I know full well - there is much room for improvement in my character and general life. And I am willing to wait upon the Lord’s timing - He knows how long I’ve been waiting (forever!), and it is only with His strength that I am able to wait out the remainder of time until we are together.

But even today I love you. I’m sure that at the moment you are reading this that my love is much more so. And I know that my love will grow and change over the years - deeper, fuller. I cannot imagine loving you more than I do, but all things are possible with God. I am committed to love you always. I am committed to this marriage. I do not believe in divorce. I look forward to our fiftieth wedding anniversary. I want to grow old with you. I want to enjoy our grandchildren together. I promise these things to you and God.

I promise to keep our relationship focused on Christ. I promise to not go to sleep angry with you. I promise to be your wife, and therefore to be the woman you need me to be. Submission may not come naturally to me (or anyone!) but I promise it to you. I need you to hold me to these promises.

Above all, I give myself to God first, and then to you, wholeheartedly and completely. I love you, now and always.

popularity: 14%

My precious Jesus, hold on to me.

popularity: 14%

I’ve been having an awesome time here and God is really moving in my group. They are so wonderful! And my focus can actually be on them since I am so much… healthier than before. I am so enjoying being on my own and can’t wait to actually do it!

popularity: 9%

I’m trying to understand exactly what happened with . I think I understand the lost friendship; it hurts a little, but I get it. I don’t see the transition between not dating and CM, though. Someone, and I don’t remember who, said that its easy to believe in not dating when no one wants to. They implied that since the situation arose to challenge her, that perhaps she didn’t really believe in all the things she claimed to. Maybe it was a coping mechanism so being single was OK in her mind. I hope not, but I can’t say so. At least I have the reassurance that this is not the case with me. Not that I am perfect or better or stronger - just that I have been challenged many times and I’ve held out. Now you could argue that since my “proposals” (of whatever sort, from dating to marriage and everything in-between) haven’t been from guys I’ve really liked that it doesn’t count and I haven’t been challenged. I admit that if asked me out I would be in a predicament. But I have had to seriously struggle through the messy stuff of life with more than one boy. was particularly difficult, until God showed me He didn’t want us together. I’ll say that were it not for that, I don’t know what I would have done. Maybe that’s just how God works in my life. I know He’s kept me out of situations I wouldn’t have been able to handle, emotionally or otherwise. I think my story is a testimony of God’s providence.

While my mind is dwelling on it, I wonder what I would do if asked me out. The first principle is being obedient, and since I’ve promised God that I wouldn’t date, then there’s some obvious repercussions. Secondly, there’s a call to purity and holiness. And then I have to keep myself emotionally safe.

But who’s to say that he’ll ever look at me in any way other than friendship? I’m not saying I don’t deserve it, because I think I do. In a “rare” moment of self-esteem, I believe God has been preparing me and keeping me and making me into a “princess” of sorts.

popularity: 8%