FatherGod, “What have I done?” I wish that was what I was thinking. Amazingly so, I am at peace about the situation. I am not nervous about ’s reply. I am confident that what I did was OK. It doesn’t feel wrong. Thank You for this peace, this calm. You are the base beat of my heart. You hold me in Your hands for I am Yours and Yours alone. Only to Thine do I belong. My every step, my every word, my every thought is fashioned by You. When I step off the Path You redirect my course back to You. When I run away, You catch me and hold me close. You are the beginning and end of my life and the reason I breathe. I am not worthy of any of Your attentions, not even a glance. Yet You hug me and love me and take care of me and have called me Your child. How can I respond but to love You? And though my heart does not even feel capable, You move in me the Spirit of Love. I am in awe of your… everything!

FatherGod, Abba, please forgive me for my failures. I have sinned against You so much. I have been selfish and self-concerned. I fail to see others. I have not loved. I have been mean. I have thought impure thoughts. I have attempted to escape You. Please forgive me for these and other sins. And I know Your outstretched arms are always open for me.

I am so thankful for Your presence in my life. It is undeniable how You have worked. Thank You for Your continued providence and blessing though I am unfaithful. Thank You for my family and the way You have healed each of us. Thank You for my friends and the way You show Your love to me through them and show how You meet all my needs. Thank You for all the amazing opportunities You have given me.

Please be with as he reads and as he responds. Holy Spirit, be in his heart and mind and guide him. And continue in Your presence with me throughout this.

FatherGod, I want only Your will for my life, for his life. Show us Your will. Let us each be Your obedient servants desiring solely to glorify You. Drawing each of us unto You, work Your will in our lives in an undeniable fashion. Give us willing Spirits to accept what You have in store. Help us to be understanding, loving, responsible, focused on You, open, fully honest, and seeking Your will.

FatherGod, I offer up my continued prayer for Your guidance in my life, especially in the areas of a future spouse and future ministry. If I am honest, You are all I really have, and I don’t really have You - You have me. Help me to be faithful, and then look upon my faithfulness. Be the author of my story. Be my road map, my path. Bring me unto my husband when we are both ready and until then keep us faithful and pure. Prepare me to be the wife my husband needs and the woman You want me to be.

Above all else, be glorified through my life, as faulty as it is.

Your servant….

popularity: 15%

So boring! I’m gonna die I’m so tired. There’s nothing that holds me to this class. Maybe it would help if I did the reading.

popularity: 9%

and I came to some good conclusions on Sunday. And then I came back to Judson and he messed them all up. We decided that is afraid, and I am too but he doesn’t know that. The times that we’ve talked about marriage its focused on his not feeling ready and I didn’t really comment that much because I’m in a different place. But just because I want to get married (in generally) doesn’t mean that I’m not terrified of our relationship being a reality. He doesn’t know that, though. And can I (how?) communicate that to him without crossing any lines?

Then we decided that because he’s afraid that we’re not going to talk about it. Whereas I would prefer to acknowledge the elephant in the living room, he doesn’t. We wouldn’t have to do anything about it, just talk. But that’s me, not him. And its not my place to bring it up.

So I’ve got this great sense of peace after our conversation. But, the moment I get back onto campus, there he is.

popularity: 9%

Well, I have to stay awake in class somehow. Dragongirl just showed up in a leather jacket. She’s so weird! An old leather jacket, the kind with all the zippers and stuff like the biker chicks from the eighties. So strange…

Is it wrong that I never pay attention in this class? I’m going to try to stay awake today. We’ll see if that happens. My eyes kill. I should consider this a discipline - don’t give in to the body… But we were up so late last night. I didn’t get much sleep. That’s no excuse, I suppose, but five hours! Give me a break!

Oh, my neck always hurts so much after a refreshing nap through class. I’ve got to remember to call Rick this morning. I should have last night, but when? I didn’t get back until after midnight. I’m just worried its something important. Probably not, but… you never know. I should get him a copy of my new schedule.

Well that done I feel better. Dragongirl is talking. She almost scares me. Makes me feel like we’re all back in junior high. That’s neither here nor there. Nine o’clock now. The bells are playing. I should really read some of these essays - they sound good. Just not a priority in my life at this point. Nothing much is. At this point, priority is a good nap. But I don’t see that happening.

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Dear Jesus,

Hi! I don’t know, Jesus. I have nothing. There’s not very much spark in my heart these days. I have very few emotions at all, except frustration. What’s wrong? It doesn’t feel like that (depression). But I’m tired all the time too. I couldn’t bring myself to church yesterday. I think part of it is most of my close friends aren’t so close right now. ’s busy with her new job and we barely have time to talk. My friends from this summer are all far away now and busy with their own lives. spends all her time with B - I’m not even going to go there. And ’s always busy with church. I’m so thankful for ’s friendship - that has been such a blessing to me,

And God, I have no idea what’s going on with . Help me, please. At least give me understanding. I don’t know what to do! I’m so confused.

popularity: 14%